How I Made My First Million…Almost

At the beginning of summer, just before school let out, I had a moment of genius. These moments are rare so I tend to brag about them. While having the kids home had some perks (like fetching me a drink or the tv remote), I wasn't looking forward to weeks of whining, complaining, and declarations of deadly boredom. Usually, I'd just ignore them until I ran out of chocolate patience. Then the yelling stern reprimands would suck all the fun out of vacation. For all of us.

There had to be a better way.

Then I got an idea. It was so simple that I was surprised someone hadn't already created these and had them mass produced in China.

Behold, the Busted Jar.

An old mason jar with a slot in the lid, an overuse of colored fonts on my computer, some tape, and voila! The kids were totally busted. And I was gonna get rich one nickel at a time.

The week the Busted Jar was implemented, I gave each child a dollar's worth of nickels as part of their allowance. I explained the purpose, went over the "banned phrases," and reiterated that fines would be due immediately. And should we not be at home, I kept a tab for them, due as soon as our car pulled into the garage.  But we had plans for summer, they insisted, and season passes to the water park. Surely they wouldn't owe me a cent, because they would be having too much fun!

Ah, the follies of youth.

Here's a few of the "banned" phrases:
I'm bored.
What can I do?
That's/It's not fair!
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?
This is boring!
There's nothing to do.
Awwwwwwww (in a super whiny voice).
Aldo banned? Saying "no" or asking "why?" in response to a request.

Did you get a good look at the pictures? Did you notice that along with the nickels, there are dimes, quarters, and even a dollar? That was after two weeks. TWO. WEEKS. This was gonna be awesome.

Then something strange happened. They stopped whining! By the end of the first month, the two older kids were no longer getting busted. Baby still had issues but hey, she's three. I must say, we all had a much better summer vacation. With a lot less whining and yelling.

Now that school is back in session, I've kept the Busted Jar on the counter.

Just as a reminder.

Snippets from the Snippy

We went on a mini vacation this past weekend. The Man needed some time out of cell phone range. While it was a pretty fun trip, there were a few highlights that make being a parent who believes in blackmail worthwhile.

For instance, there was much discussion and questioning and chatter and interrogating and oh-my-goodness-can-you-please-be-quiet-for-two-freakin'-minutes with regards to the facilities at the places of lodging. Specifically about the aquatic activities offered. The kids seemed to forget that this was a trip to visit historically significant sites or beautiful displays of God's handiwork. Not one big swim meet. It was after an afternoon of whining and begging for the pool instead of listening to park rangers when I snapped.

Me: Alright, there will be no more whining, complaining, or in any way making a negative comment about this vacation until after dinner or so help me, you will stay in the hotel room and watch me through the window swimming and doing cannonball dives and belly flops to my heart's content. Do you understand?
Boo: ...
Boy: My leg hurts.
Me: (Head exploding)

I will say that after a morning and afternoon of hiking and heat and humidity and sweating and drinking lukewarm water from a source also shared with my toddler, who does not grasp the finer points of preventing backwash, slipping into the pool was actually pretty darn nice.

What I Learned On My Christmas Vacation

• As much as I love the GPS system we have, it's rather depressing to get on to the main highway and see that your next turn is in 419 miles.
• There's a reason why there are no smash hit songs, popular movies, or best-selling books about Omaha.
• During the summer, Kansas is full of sunflowers and humidity. During the winter, the sunflowers are all gone and the humidity turns to ice.
• Everything in Texas is bigger. Especially the highway systems.
• Being two hours from your brother's house on your way back to Utah is a really bad time to discover his car keys are still in your purse.
• You know your anxiety medication is working when you see multiple cars sliding off the icy highway and you can still communicate with your spouse in a recognizable form of English.
• If you have to get stranded by the snow and poor road conditions, Moab, UT, is an absolutely beautiful place to do just that this time of year.
• When you finally get home, your messy kitchen will never look so inviting.

What was the best part of your Christmas vacation?

Don't Eat at Joe's

For Spring Break, we went camping down in Moab. Apparently, we didn't learn last year that spring camping in southern Utah is really hit-or-miss on the good weather. During the day, it was a lovely 70 degrees. But the night tipped down to the 30s. Good thing the trailer had a heater!

It was such good weather (a nice break from the snow we'd been having), that I neglected to remember the sunscreen on our first hike. I got the worst of it. Of course. Now everyone will know I was wearing a v-neck shirt.

The hiking was wonderful, the sights breath-taking, and the family well-behaved (and I'm not even being sarcastic!). It was such a great trip, that the Man suggested instead of crouching over a smokey campfire, slowly torturing hot dogs to death, we spend our last evening in a restaurant. I was in the mood for Mexican food. Both of the prominent Mexican establishments featured lots of stucco, turquoise trim, and scripted phrases touted their "authentic"-ness. We opted for the one closest to our campground: Fiesta Mexicana. (They don't have a website...shocker, I know.)

While we were being seated, I noticed the many signs prominently posted that limited drinks to one refill, no personal checks, and no split tabs. These people were serious.

The menu was vast and it was hard to narrow down the selections (because they didn't have chimichangas and that's what I always order). I opted for a House Special: fajita enchiladas.

The phrase "House Special" should have been my first clue.

The large scale to everything in that place should have been the second. They may limit you to one refill, but they give you a glass the size of a bucket. And look at Baby:


She could barely see over our super-sized table! (But I love this picture!)

So why was I so shocked when the waiter delivered this:


That's my dinner. Meant for one person, not three. It's on a pizza pan, people! A pizza pan! When was the last time you served a meal on a dish that size and didn't include half a dozen other diners?

Despite the seemingly insurmountable portions, I persevered. Not much leftover. (Of course, it helped that Baby is a bottomless pit and devoured most of my beans...) We really liked the food here (except for the Boy - he had a PB&J that I whipped up in the car before we went inside) and I will definitely beg the Man to come back next time we are in town. Besides, after all that hiking, I'll need someplace to cool off my newly acquired sunburn.

My Wild Life

One of my favorite things about going camping and getting outdoors is seeing the wildlife. It's exciting and sometimes a little scary. When I was a kid, we went camping a LOT. Yellowstone was a frequent destination. In fact, I was there when it was burning in 1988. I've seen buffalo, elk, deer and moose. I've caught site of wolves and coyotes. But in all those years, I'd never seen a bear, just the tracks they left behind after sniffing over our campsite. For your viewing pleasure, I've collected the pictures I took of the various forms of wildlife on this particular trip. Please hold your applause until the end.


Buffalo seem like bigger, slower-witted versions of cows. But they can be very aggressive. Just ask the buffalo that was clogging traffic but threatened to gore any car that tried to pass him. Imagine my horror when an Asian mother was instructing her two kids to go stand by the grazing buffalo so she could get a good picture! I was glad there was a park ranger on hand to stop them from getting too close!


Elk are a fairly common site, especially in the hour between dinner and the kids' bedtime. We were staying just outside the North Entrance, so every evening we passed through Mammoth, a small touristy town by the Mammoth Springs. And every night, we slowed to a crawl to join the other tourists gawking at the elk that took over the grassy lawns. Elk tend to ignore people but get to close and they head for the hills. Then there was this guy:


You might notice through our bug-spattered windshield that he is running down the center of the road - right towards us! He had been cantering along until we rounded the corner. We slowed to a stop but he started running, even lowered his antlers to charge our van! At the last minute, he decided against attacking the Japanese auto industry and veered to the side. Still...it was pretty freaky!


For the past 29.95* years of my life, I'd never seen a bear outside a zoo. On this trip, we saw three (and one of those was rumored to have two cubs but I didn't see them). THREE!!! This one was close enough to the road that the Man isn't even using the zoom here. Grandma and Grandpa G, I bet you're wishing you hadn't passed on going to the Petrified Tree!


One evening, on our way back home, traffic was horrible. If there's not a park ranger and someone sees something remotely interesting, then people start stopping on the road, leaving their cars to go and stare. They don't always know what they're looking at but they don't want to miss a chance to see a chipmunk. Such was the case then. Except these weren't chipmunk. They were wolves. At least one adult and more than a couple pups. It was fun to watch the pups jumping and leaping, playing with each other. What? Can't you see them in the picture? Okay, hang on...


Had to put my mad Photoshop skills to use. Try not to envy my talents. I really wish I had thought to use the movie function...

Last but not least, my favorite large animal: the Moose.


Here we see him in his natural habitat, calmly holding still, as if he takes no notice of us, as if he weren't even alive! Okay, so this is a stuffed moose I got for Baby. We didn't get to see a real one. I was kinda bummed about that but, hey! Now I can say we were charged by an elk and saw BEARS!! Real bears! No "teddy" or nothing!

*Because for all intents and purposes, I will forever remain 29.95 plus shipping and handling.

Cruisin' On A Sunday Afternoon

Okay, here we go with the long-awaited, much anticipated, and more than likely disappointing posts about my vacation. This was my first cruise and I gotta say, it's an entirely different way of life. In fact, I'm considering starting another blog devoted to helping first-time cruisers work their way through the system. I like the name "Fat White Lady's Guide To Cruises" and possibly going with an alter-ego, like Sunburn Susie. We'll see.

Five years ago, for our fifth wedding anniversary, we did absolutely nothing. I think we might have kissed each other for an extra second to mark the occasion but otherwise, very lack luster. That's when I started saying that for our 10th anniversary, we would take a cruise. So five years later, I was combing through the cruise deals and trying to narrow down my choices. I was campaigning for an Alaskan cruise because - let's be honest, here - I look much better in a parka than I do in a swimming suit. The Man wasn't sold on the idea and the shore excursions (that's cruise-speak for trips you make to land to do something other than bake yourself on the deck of the ship or visit the self-serve ice cream stations) were pretty lame or very expensive. Then I found Carnival Cruises. They were reasonable and had some fantastic choices for port trips. My one stipulation? No Mexico stops. I was utterly paranoid and the whole "drug cartel wars" made me nervous (and don't bother trying to reassure me...I am completely irrational). Turned out to be a very good thing because, thanks to swine flu outbreaks, all Mexico ports of call were canceled. So hooray for anxiety attacks!

Grandma G came to stay with the littles and we were on our way! The Man booked us onto a red-eye flight to NYC, where we would fly all night and then hop on a plane down to Florida. I think both of us kinda glossed over the fact that it is impossible to get decent sleep on an airplane. If it wasn't for the constant excitement about finally getting on the boat, I might have been dead on my feet. Our boat left from Fort Lauderdale. For some insane reason, we had to follow other cruisers around in a line for nearly two hours before they let us on the boat. Ri. Dic. Ulous. But we finally crossed the gangway and were on deck! Before we could jump up and down, squealing with glee, it was time for muster. This is where all passengers must get their life jackets from their cabins and then meet in assigned locations for an emergency drill. It's mandatory, people. They check your rooms and herd you out of all other parts of the ship for this. Afterwards, you are free to behave like self-centered jerks but for now, listen up.


While not quite mandatory, nearly everyone heads to the Lido deck (the main deck) to watch the ship leave port. Once you leave the city behind, there's not much to see. No dolphins frolicking in the surf or whales breaching the surface. There aren't even any strange fish floating around. Just water. And maybe some seaweed.

But here are a couple other things that I learned right away:
1) The ship's photographers like take your picture. Frequently. Even when you're eating.
2) The bar service people are always asking if you'd like something from the bar. "Sir, I see you've just come from the restroom. Perhaps you'd like to work on refilling that bladder with one of our specialty drinks in a nifty souvenir glass?"

Now, the ship tries to sell you the pictures but of course, you don't have to buy them. There's even handy recycling bins for the ones where you look cross-eyed. These photos make cute reminders of your trip. Unless of course you are me and have never been accused of being photogenic. We did get lots of pictures taken because I really wanted one to mark the occasion. Never bought one. I tend to forget that I am rather portly. *sigh*

As for the constant flow of booze, some people declare that this is their favorite part of going on a cruise. We certainly met a few people who seemed bent on drowning themselves in pineapple juice, vodka, and fresh fruit skewers. Our boat offered a bucket of beers. Seriously. A large white bucket filled with ice and bottles of your preferred beer. Since we don't imbibe, we purchased Fountain Cards. These are usually pro-rated (ours was $5.50 per person per day) and are good for your endless fountain drinks or juice during your entire cruise. If you don't want to pay, you can always partake of the self-serve water, tea, coffee and lemonade stations. Those are free (but not always completely stocked). (And by "free," I mean you've already paid for it in the price of your ticket.)

Okay, this post is getting rather long and we've only just left port...so stayed tuned for our first stop: Key West, Florida!

What beverage would you like to have a bucket of?

Open Letters From The Cruise

We're back! Had an amazing time and didn't burn myself to a crisp out in all that sun. I'll give you the details over the next few days but here are a couple letters to people on the cruise that just couldn't wait...


Dear Chick in the White Bikini,

Yes, you are attractive. Yes, you have a lovely figure. But was it really necessary to hike up a 600 foot waterfall in a thong? Seriously?

Yours,
Fat White Chick a few dozen feet below you and not enjoying the view



Dear Jerk in the Dining Room,

Looks like you are having a good time, with your drink and your mild sunburn. And perhaps it is the alcohol that befuddles your mind but in case you didn't read the brochure, misplaced your schedule, didn't hear the repeated announcements, failed to notice the many signs, and didn't listen to your waiter last night or during lunch and breakfast today...tonight is the second formal evening for dinner. You won't be allowed into the dining room in your shorts and ball cap. Verbally berating the tiny little hostess who won't let you in is not going to make things better. It just makes you look like a uncouth cretin.

Sincerely,
Person who took the time to shower before coming to dinner because I'm fancy

P.S.
Having your slightly less creepy wife sneak you in later when the hostess isn't there is so not cool. I hope someone spat on your lobster...wish it could have been me.

Breaking Spring

For da Boo's Spring Break, we headed down south to see the incredible Goblin Valley. Since all of the camping areas there were booked, we got a site in Capitol Reef National Park. Keep in mind this place was Plan B...not our first choice.

We haven't been camping since I was pregnant with the Boy. Well, at least not as a family. The Man and the Boy have gone on a couple Father/Son trips (while da Boo and I did fun girly stuff). But I'd consider myself a fairly experienced camper. I went all the time as a kid. Some of my favorite memories are of setting up tents and pop-up campers in the dark, nearly freezing the time we forgot sleeping bags (I used a beach towel as a blanket), and scaring ourselves witless by imagining there was a bear in the woods (actually, that wasn't our imagination...there were tracks around our campsite the next morning). So I am big fan of the whole camping thing.

And I thought I knew what to bring. But the first day, when we nearly lost all feeling in our extremities because of the cold winds in Goblin Valley, I began to doubt. I hadn't packed for this. That night, while chilly, wasn't terrible, since the trailer we borrow from our awesome friends came equipped with a heater. Still...this was the scene outside the next morning:


Icicles! Now, that's cold! But the second day was better. No biting wind to contend with. We got to see more of this rather amazing national park. We had such a good time that we decided to stay another night.


This homestead was left behind by one earlier settlers of the area. That tiny little house - that isn't even the size of my living room - housed a family of TEN. And sometimes our big ol' house is too cramped when the kids insist on following me every where...goes to show just what I take for granted.

Can't go camping without hiking! We took a pretty easy hike up to a natural bridge, called Hickman Bridge.

The kids had a good time (well, Boo did when she forgot to whine about how she wasn't having any fun) and Baby slept the whole time in the backpack carrier. Periodically, the Man would hear growling and grunting coming from just behind him. Just before he freaked out, he would remember that those noises were produced by his snoring infant daughter. So Day #2, very enjoyable. We chatted a little with our neighbors and found out that they live not too far from us! Small world. My favorite memory of the trip was teaching the kids how to make s'mores that night. (And I tossed a marshmallow into the fire for old time's sake...but don't tell the Man!)

The next morning, it was time to head home. I had a birthday party to prepare for and the kids were in need of baths. But the weather had more surprises for us...


Awesome. Nothing like packing up in near-blizzard conditions...

Forget Disneyland...

...Goblin Valley is the coolest place on earth!

Have you seen the movie Galaxy Quest? Hilarious! Loved it. Remember the part where the crew goes down to the alien planet to get a replacement barilium sphere? And the Captain ends up fighting the pig lizard?


Did you know that wasn't a Hollywood set? Nope. It's a real place, located in Utah. It's call Goblin Valley and is possibly the coolest place I've ever visited.



We drove down one afternoon during Boo's spring break, after having the worst luck getting ready. Seemed like everything went wrong. The Man and I were both frustrated. He was ready to call the whole trip off but the kids would periodically rush up to him and gush about how excited they were to go camping. So we persevered. It was supposed to be fairly nice while we were camping but that wasn't the case. When we arrived at Goblin Valley, the wind was so strong and so cold that we piled on as many layers as we could before getting out of the car. Once we got down into the valley, it wasn't so bad. Besides, we were too busy looking at each other and saying "This is so cool!" to really notice the weather. We're geeks like that.

I told the Boy to pretend he was a Goblin. I love the face he's making! And really, he doesn't have to try hard to be very goblin-like.

Da Boo tried being a Goblin, too, but she's just too dainty to pull it off.


The kids had a great time running around the rock formations, trying to find actual goblins or at least where they might live. While we were there, we managed to find a couple geocaches (which are the real reason we even go outside at all). Then The Man decided to test my strength...


While Baby and I waited below, The Man took our two eldest and climbed the green dome. Remember how I required Happy Pills to prevent irrational freak outs? Remember how I stopped taking them? I tried to only look while taking the picture but I ended up staring the whole time they climbed and scooted. Can't remember if I actually breathed, though...

We're Going On A Trip

I've had this little ditty running through my head for the past few says. Doesn't help that da Boo knows all the words and will spontaneously burst out singing it. Bright and early tomorrow morning (ideally), we head out for the last road trip of the summer. We're going off of the tricks and tips from our last trip (although I keep forgetting to get a book on tape...maybe for the return trip). This one isn't too bad, only eight hours. Yeah, eight hours. In the car. With two kids. Now, that's what I call a vacation, folks.

So you won't miss me too much, I am using the magic of Blogger to post even when I'm not at the computer. Now, I can choose the date and time I want something posted. Pretty spiffy, eh? There will even be a new Soap Opera Sunday, this one about a friend who was more of an enemy. See, all my other good dating stories? Well, their spouses or family members read my blog and it might be a little awkward to post those. Even if I change the names, there will be people who know who I'm talking about. So I'm taking a break from the dating drama...for now.

In the mean time...

Where would you go on your dream vacation?

PRESENTS!!! (And Christ's Birth)

For Christmas Eve, we had a delicious tortilla soup that my brother made. Mmmmm...my mouth is watering just remembering it...I am putting it on the menu for this week....MmmmMMmmm...

Where was I? Oh yeah...During dinner, the Boy got a little too excited and attempted to jump on my lap. Unfortunately, I happened to be holding a bowl of soup at the time. Let's just say it's a good thing I had packed two bras, otherwise I would have smelled like lime and cilantro the rest of the trip.

Christmas Eve, my brother and sister-in-law always act out the Nativity, complete with scripture, hymns, costumes and props. Da Boo joined her two young cousins as an angel. The Boy was a wiseman, along with his two teenage cousins. That was funny! We about lost him when he realized the "gold" in his chest was actually gold-wrapped chocolate. Even though it got a little irreverent, I really enjoyed hearing the scriptures and singing the familiar songs. This is Christmas.

Each of us got one main gift. Mine was a sleek, new camera. It's a Canon PowerShot SD1000 with 7.1 mega pixels of love, baby. Here's da Boo acting crazy so I could test it out. She was jumping around and shaking her head so hard her glasses came off!

The Man got an iPod Classic. This year, we didn't keep our gifts a secret. I'm glad he flat out told me that's what he wanted because I had no idea. That man is impossible to shop for? Anyone else have any great ideas for his birthday? It's coming up in a couple weeks...

The Boy is all about trains, currently. His gift was easy enough. When he woke up, Santa had left all of his stuff in a chair at the foot of his bed. He saw the train set and could not believe it. He stared at it for several minutes before the Man picked it up and gave it to him. Even then, he could only hold it and stare with his mouth hanging open. Oh, if only everyone was this easy to please! He didn't even realize he had other things (clothes, slippers, Bob the Builder underwear) until later that night when we came back to the hotel.



Da Boo wanted a "Diego Pet." A what? A search on Google offered up far too many possibilities and I knew she had something very specific in mind. I had her "help" me look for a present for a cousin and oh, look! Do Go Diego Go stuff! Let's take a look! She told me which two she wanted the most. Luckily, Santa was able to find one of them. Christmas morning, da Boo was very pouty. When I asked her what the problem was, she almost teared when she confessed that she thought Santa only brought the Boy presents. Then I pointed across the room to a corner that was filled with pink, sparkly things. Her face lit up and she nearly flew off the bed. She got the dolls pictured from her brother.

After the presents were opened, some assembly and batteries installed, the dads had disappeared. This is where I found them:

The Weekend Before Christmas

We arrived at our hotel that afternoon without further incident, unpacked and relaxed for a bit. Well, not really. Da Boo and the Boy ran around like crazed meercats, the Man was bringing in all our gear and I was changing a messy diaper. We brought a few decorations with us: a mini tree, string of lights, mini ornaments, our stockings, an advent calendar, and snowmen holding a string of lights with clips for our stockings. After the difficult night before, Da Boo got the sofa bed and the Boy got the couch cushions on the corner (and he still managed to end up underneath a nearby chair nearly every morning).


That evening, we got to meet Ben.




Here he is with cousin Dawn (taken with my new camera!). He is such a cutie! And a very cheerful baby. We got to hug my brother and his wife. And then my other brother, his wife and all six of their kids (they don't have blogs, sorry). We ditched the kids - I mean, we left the kids in the loving care of their teenage cousins while the adults went out to dinner. :D

Sunday we went to church with my brother's family. The Man had to open a Christmas present early because I neglected to pack a tie for him. (Must have been hiding with the peanut butter!) We got to harrass my older brother, who was the teacher for Sunday School. Da Boo was pouty after class because she was put with the Sunbeams. Well, she is the same height as 3-year-olds. The nursery workers hadn't been able to remember the Boy's name so they had called him Josh the whole time. That was funny! Later that night, I made a zebra cheesecake. One of these days, I will have to take a picture of it so you can see just how cool this cheesecake looks!


Monday, Christmas Eve, we went to Dave & Buster's to play arcade games. This was pretty fun! Da Boo decided she really likes horse racing (uh oh...) and the Boy just liked seeing all the flashing lights and noises and chaos. They won enough tickets to get them each a prize. Da Boo chose a flipping penguin. The Boy got a kazoo. That was actually my choice because I thought he would like it, as obsessed as he is with musical instruments...yeah, that went over in a big way. I think we had to eventually hide it from him.

I'll get into the Big Event and all the gifts (including my lovely camera...so shiny...) in the next couple posts.

Murphy's Law

Murphy's Law states that whatever can go wrong will. And it hit us pretty hard, starting on that Thursday before Christmas. I had been packing furiously and getting everything ready. We were planning to leave no later than 10 a.m. on Friday, hoping to arrive at my brother's house in time for dinner. (This is going to be a looooooong post...go to the bathroom first, maybe get you some snacks...)

Thursday evening, I was hard at work on a cake when the Man was summoned upstairs by da Boo. Her fingers hurt. Not just her finger, but fingers, plural. What he saw on her fingers raised some serious red flags. It looked like on both hands, her index and thumb tips were covered with a blister or the skin was red and puckered. Also, it was spreading to her other fingertips. For the next couple hours, we were talking to the after-hours pediatrician on the phone and contacting the various doctors in our family for their opinion. The Man even broke out my new camera to take pictures of da Boo's fingers so they could see what it looked like. The after-hours doc's diagnosis didn't fit. Our next option was the Emergency Room or wait for morning and her regular pediatrician. Since she wasn't running a temperature or in great agony, we opted to wait. I was on the phone as soon as the office opened. I described her fingers and the nurse said we should come in...was 3:30 that afternoon okay?

"Well," I tried to explain, "We're supposed to be heading out of town this morning..."
"Oh," she said, shuffled some papers and then "How soon could you get here?"'

The Man and da Boo were immediately sent to the doctor. The diagnosis? She had a strep infection. In her fingertips! I've never heard of such a thing! She came home with antibiotics and lotions. By then, it was lunchtime. We should have left two hours before. I fed the kids and we finished getting packed.

By 2:30, we were on our way! Our route took us through Wyoming. The Man had checked weather and road conditions the night before and all looked good. Things didn't look so good once we got started several hours later than we intended. It was snowing, freezing cold, with strong winds. Along this route, there are electronic billboards that tell you of any problems, like hazardous conditions or road closures. We had been on the road two hours when these billboards reported the road was closed nearly an hour away. No worries, we told each other. We'll keep driving and perhaps they can get the road re-opened. Still, we kept on eye on those billboards. We had just entered a town and I saw that the message on the billboards had changed.

Me: Road Closed at Exit 104.
The Man: Where are we?
Me: Exit 102.

Temptation to use Daddy Words ensues. At this exact moment, my brother calls us to see where we are. It is 5:30 and we had planned to be nearing his house by then. Instead, we have him get online and check the road conditions. He reports that the road is closed...in three other places.

With no choice, we find a hotel for the night. After getting our room, we grab some dinner. Then, we get the kids in their swimming suits and have a fun time in the hotel pool. That evening, the kids are on one double bed and we are on the other.

This delay was actually a good learning experience, for the most part. We did have a good time in the pool (until my swimming suit failed but that is a whole other post - which I will probably never post) and we learned that the kids could not share the same bed without both being hauled from the blankets at some point to be placed in time out for fighting. Also, we learned that when travelers are stranded for the night, the first place they go for breakfast in the morning is the Wal-Mart bakery. There were no donut holes left.

These problems resolved, we got back on the road and resumed our travels*. We had to go about 15 miles under the speed limit as the roads were icy and the wind was still blowing. After driving for a while, we stopped to have lunch made from things we'd packed from home. This was when I realized that in my flurry of packing, I forgot the peanut butter. Mmmmm...jelly sandwiches...

*I hesitate to mention the darkest moment on the trip. We were driving slowly along that highway, when the Man noticed there were no on-coming traffic. Thinking the road was closed again, we continued on carefully. Soon, we came across the reason. There was an accident. A very, very bad one. Since I am no longer on happy pills, I tend to...freak out?...shall we say. It's hard to sob hysterically but keep quiet so as not to alarm your kids, sitting behind you.

Didja Miss Me?

We just got back! Literally...like 20 minutes ago. And I just couldn't put the kids to bed fast enough before I had to run to you, my dear Internet. Oh, how I've missed you and your lovely glow...I've longed to stroke your mouse and run my hands over your keyboard...

*ahem*

Anywho...I'll be resuming normal posting. And, because I know you've missed me ever so much, I have some cakes to post! Unfortunately, those pictures were taken with my old camera. Did you catch that? My old camera? I got a new one! For Christmas! Because my husband loves me! And doesn't want me to swear at Photoshop anymore! Then I'll post all kinds of groovy pictures taken with the new camera.

In the meantime, tell me what your favorite Christmas gift was this year! (And so help me, if you say something all self-less and sweet like "Just being with my cuddly family!" then I am going to wring your blog's neck! Get materialistic, will ya?)

The Shadow

The Boy got a taste of his own medicine this past vacation. It came in the form of a cousin - a younger cousin. The Shadow is 14 months old and completely idolized the Boy at his mature age of 2 1/2. Every where the Boy went, the Shadow followed, even during a diaper change. This was especially frustrating to him during playtime.




I just had to take a picture but you really can't see all the dirty looks the Boy was giving his cousin whenever the younger boy dared to touch the train tracks at Grandma's house. Now he knows why da Boo will spontaneously burst into tears when the Boy is only trying to play with her.

The Sad Truth

I've learned something the past few days. Apparently, I like to torture small children while simultaneously inflicting pain upon myself. Who knew? I learned this while driving 1,200 miles with two kids under the age of five. Good times.

We didn't have a formal FHE tonight. It was more of a "Get Your House In Order" night - literally. We cleaned up. The hustle of getting ready for the trip to see the in-laws combined with the bustle of unloading afterwards makes for quite a large mess around here. Of course, I am hosting the preschool/play date tomorrow morning. And I have Activity Days here on Wednesday. AND I really got behind on the general housework while without my happy pills. So if you plan on visiting in the next couple days, please bring your mop and haz-mat suit with you.

Here in the Big City

There's a lots of fun things for kids around here! On Saturday, we went to a "petting zoo" that's really more than that. You could feed goats (either pellets or little baby bottles), pet goats, pet cows, feed fish, ride toy tractors, milk a fake cow, run away from your mom, pan for gold, tour a teepee, feed ducks, ride a pony, annoy your sibling, watch pigs sleep, play on one of several playgrounds, go fishing and get it first hand just how stinky animal poo really is. It was lots of fun! So fun, that I needed aspirin and a nap afterwards. Pictures coming.

Today, we loaded up the kids and headed up to Big City for more fun. Destination: Science City. I wish they had places like this when I was a kid! (And of course I forgot the camera...) During the first portion of our visit, the place was over-run with several different school groups. Soon enough, the groups thinned out and our kids got some hands-on time. They got to dig for dinosaur bones (also called "let's see how much of this stuff we can accidentally fling down Momma's shirt!"), make music with park equipment, try their hand at landing the Space Shuttle (which da Boo crashed rather spectacularly - twice), work with a water table, view live amphibians (ever heard of a glass lizard? Creeeeeepy...), slide down a sewer pipe (complete with flushing sound effects), make shadows on a wall, ride a Sky Bike (I was the only one who did this, oddly enough), puzzle out optical illusions, sit in lots of different simulators, and make all sorts of echoes. And lots more but I'm tired and haven't had nearly enough chocolate so I can't remember all the details. I liked that they reserved a few places specifically for smaller kids. There was one where I was once again reminded of the difference between the two genders: da Boo carefully built with larger-than-life building blocks and the Boy gleefully knocked them down.

Busy day. Need more aspirin.

So...whatcha been up to?

A-caching We Will Go!

On the way home from Steamboat, we just had to pull out the ol' GPS and do a little geocaching. After all, picking up a few more caches was what this trip had originally been all about. We only found four because the kids didn't like the fact that we wouldn't let them out of the car. Still, it was fun.

The first one we stopped at was a multi-cache. This means that were are more than one stages to find before you find the actual hide. In this case, the first stop was a historical marker placed by the Daughter of the Utah Pioneers. It told the tale of Jensen's Ferry that helped so many pioneers make it across the river. There's even a tiny replica of the ferry on top of the monument.

To find the next step, you had to find a date on the marker, then using that date, plug the numbers into a coordinate and voila! You had the completed coordinates to the site of the cache, which wasn't very far from the marker. I was wearing sandals. The Man had to go find this one.

The second cache of the day was actually located in the front yard of a cacher. That was a little awkward, walking up to the front of someone's house and trying to look like you belonged there while looking for a cache. After that one, there was another historical marker as a virtual cache. A couple reasons why I love geocaching is because we find all these awesome parks all over the city, that we would have never known existed if they hadn't been harboring a cache, and that we learn abstract pieces of history. In this case, the marker spoke of the town's first bank and how the bricks for the building were originally mailed via the postal service from Salt Lake City because postage was cheaper than freight! This was a virtual cache, requiring the cacher to write down a crucial piece of information from the actual plaque in order to claim it.

This one was fun! The Boy about blew a gasket when we pulled up...well, just have a look for yourself.

We were passing through Vernal, Utah, which is very close to Dinosaur National Park. They take pride in the dinosaur-ness and have the ancient amphibians on virtually every building. This guy changes with the seasons.

Now, most of this stuff you've learned from my previous posts on the sport. So here's the next lesson: Travel Bugs. These are very specific to the geocaching game and are highly sought-after items. The travel bug can be anything: small toy, plastic card, stuffed animal, etc. As long as it's small enough, just about anything works. The thing that sets is apart from everything else in the cache is the dog tag attached to it. These dog tags carry an ID number, which, when entered into the Geocaching website tells you many things about the travel bug: who started it, where it's been and, most importantly, where it wants to go. See, every travel bug (or TB) has a goal. For instance, a plastic astronaut figurine might want to visit locations (or caches near those places) important to the Space Race, a rubber crawdad might want to see the various lakes or streams of the world, or a small Jeep might want to go on adventures while entering you in a contest to win an actual Jeep. We've found several TBs and have tried to send them on their way towards their goals. We also have a geocoin, which is similar to the function of the TB but is, in fact, a coin and not attached to anything. It's even a Utah Geocoin and we log it into every cache we've visited as a way to "track" the miles we've cached. It's just for fun and we don't leave it in those caches; it stays on my desk. Right next to my chocolate calendar.

Hiking and the Springs

The last day of vacation was very nice. After packing a picnic lunch, we headed to a local park for a short hike. We then sat down to eat and were immensely entertained by the various chipmunks and ground squirrels that clamored for our attention (and our food). After lunch, we continued on the path until we came to this:

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Kids got to play in the water a little. The Boy didn't much care for the really cold water, so there aren't any picture of him in the water. Another kid was there with her parents. My brother warned his daughter not to go too far. The other kid heard this and immediately headed out "too far." She fell in the water and didn't look very happy to be so wet. Lesson learned!

After the hike, we headed over to a rather nice city park that held several of their famous springs.

This one is Sulphur Spring. While rather lovely, it sure did stink to high heaven!

Soda Spring. Not that impressive. Apparently, nearby construction actually disturbed this several years ago and now not much flows. It's called Soda Spring because it was rather fizzy.

This lake is actually a collection of several springs.

And then there's us!

We took the kids back to the condo for naps and I tried getting a little rest, which is nearly impossible when both your kids find it soooo entertaining that you're in the room with them. I finally gave up and went out with the adults, where I finished reading Harry Potter: the Deathly Hallows. For dinner, we went to a local restaurant that had a 50s theme. )For those of you familiar with Provo, think Galaxy Diner.) My nephew and I ordered the same burger. He had entirely demolished his before I had taken more than a few bites! Teenagers.

After dinner, we strolled along the main street, peeking into stores and picking up a few bribes - I mean, souvenirs for the kids. Just when I was really getting into the window shopping, da Boo tripped and skinned her knee something fierce. We headed back to get her cleaned up and put the kids to bed. That night, we played Phase 10. Honestly, I hate the game. I've never made it past Phase 4 and it's no fun playing a game at which you are no good. But my gastrically-blessed nephew took pity on me and discarded a couple essential cards and I actually made it to Phase 10! But he ended up winning the game first. Hey, I'm just glad to make it out of my losing streak.

Days When Your Perscription Just Isn't Enough

Day #3.

A day that will live in vacation infamy.

The day started out normal enough. The kids got up and Chuckles fed them breakfast while the Man and I were lazy and stayed in the non-bed.

Agony #1 - Pictures. My brother's family has a tradition of going to those photo places were you get dressed up costumes and take your picture. They do this on their vacations and the photos look pretty cool. Chuckles had called the local photo place (the only one in town that did this sort of thing). He called on Monday. The guy said he wasn't open on Mondays. Ooookay. How 'bout Tuesday. Nope, had a lot of meetings that day. (Meetings? What, is he in a union or something?). Alrighty, what were the hours on Wednesday? He said he'd be open 11-5pm. My brother said we'd all be there just after 11. So we pile into our separate vehicles and head over. We arrive just after 11. The place is closed. Sign says he doesn't have any hours until Friday, the day we leave. Geesh...

Agony #2 - Movie. So we're strolling along the streets, thinking maybe we'd take in an afternoon movie. This is a small town. The local theater is only showing three movies. The only kids' show is Ratatouille. Only one listing and not until the evening. Dang.

Agony #3 - Lunch. We had lunch at the local Wendy's. We decided to go inside and sit down, enjoy the small town atmosphere. We stood in line for far too long...I don't actually know how long it was because we adults were chatting and having a good time, while the kids were seated and getting hungry (and cranky). It must have been close to half an hour, which is not fast food at all. Turns out the girl at the register was new and kept having to ask her co-workers for help. And they only had one prize for the kids' meals. That meant six of the same toy for six kids to fight over the rest of the vacation. Oodles of joy.

Agony #4 - Bowling. It was now 2pm and normally naptime but we had planned to go bowling after lunch (just didn't expect lunch to take so long). So we head to the only bowling alley in town. Chuckles had a coupon for $2 games between the hours of 1 and 5. Perfect! We should have known better. Turns out that the bowling alley doesn't actually open until 3pm.

At this point, my nephew has a complete rant on the utter lame-osity of this "vacation" destination. It was really funny because he was totally peeved and because it was exactly what I wanted to say! We headed back to the condo for naps.

Agony #5 - Hot Tubs. The condo reservation was made with the promise of a hot tub. Upon arrival, we could find no hot tub. Upon further inquiry, Chuckles was told the hot tub area was being renovated. Interesting. Upon further inquiry, the front-desk person suggested the local hot springs, for which the town is famous. Fine idea, but they wouldn't give us any vouchers for using the springs, we had to pay out of pocket. Begrudgingly, the front-desk guy offered to let our party use another building's hot tub. This one also had a pool. The two dads were sent to investigate, as we were becoming all too familiar with this town's utter lack of set hours. Turns out the lady at the other building was not at all happy that we were given permission to use their facilities and would only allow us access to a hot tub. No pool.

Agony #6 - The Springs. Still trying to salvage the day, my sister-in-law contacted the local hot springs, for which this town is famous. They have a pool, smaller hot pool, water slide, massage table, sauna, and an exercise gym. A little pricey but sounds like it's well worth it, right? Remember how I mentioned that summer is the "off-season" for this ski town? The hot springs were using the summer months to renovate. Everything at the hot springs was under construction, except for the main pool. Even with limited access, the pool was still full price. Also in town was a little league baseball tournament. We weren't going to mingle with the hordes of tween baseball players and their families.

Agony #7 - Dinner. Now, this was only an agony for me and a little bit for the Man. Still, it was agony. Ahead of time, Chuckles' wife and I had discussed meal options. We would eat out only one meal a day. Breakfast would always be at the condo, lunch would be sandwiches that could be taken for picnics and dinner was divided. I was in charge of dinner on Day #3. I brought most of the stuff with me to make Chicken Parmesan with spaghetti and garlic bread, which is on my short list of things I can make well. I haven't been myself lately, with all the panic attacks and such. I'm a little more air-headed than usual. So I had the chicken...but no parmesan cheese. I had the bread...but no garlic powder. And only one burner on the stove worked, which I didn't discover until I had been trying to boil the spaghetti water for 20 minutes and it was only lukewarm. Finally, I tearfully asked the Man to go to the store for me so at least the meal wouldn't be horrible. Dinner was about an hour later than we had planned. Oh, and I forgot about the garlic bread still being in the oven as I was getting my kids' plates filled. It was a little brown but still tasty.

Agony #8 - That awful bed!