"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Open Letters From The Cruise

We're back! Had an amazing time and didn't burn myself to a crisp out in all that sun. I'll give you the details over the next few days but here are a couple letters to people on the cruise that just couldn't wait...


Dear Chick in the White Bikini,

Yes, you are attractive. Yes, you have a lovely figure. But was it really necessary to hike up a 600 foot waterfall in a thong? Seriously?

Yours,
Fat White Chick a few dozen feet below you and not enjoying the view



Dear Jerk in the Dining Room,

Looks like you are having a good time, with your drink and your mild sunburn. And perhaps it is the alcohol that befuddles your mind but in case you didn't read the brochure, misplaced your schedule, didn't hear the repeated announcements, failed to notice the many signs, and didn't listen to your waiter last night or during lunch and breakfast today...tonight is the second formal evening for dinner. You won't be allowed into the dining room in your shorts and ball cap. Verbally berating the tiny little hostess who won't let you in is not going to make things better. It just makes you look like a uncouth cretin.

Sincerely,
Person who took the time to shower before coming to dinner because I'm fancy

P.S.
Having your slightly less creepy wife sneak you in later when the hostess isn't there is so not cool. I hope someone spat on your lobster...wish it could have been me.

17 comments:

Lola....L..O..L..A....lo--oh--luh! said...

Sounds like a cheeky hike!

Kristina P. said...

The thong excursion just sounds highly uncomfortable.

Amanda said...

YYUUUCCCK! YOur so funny:) I can't wait for more details and pic's!? Did the children come too?

Emma said...

That is so cool you got to go on a cruise. I excitedly await more details of your trip. (I think thongs are disgusting in general much less seeing someone wear one. YUCK)

Tipi said...

Missed you!

Maybe they thought a baseball cap was formal?

seriously, I've met people like that.

Popcorn House said...

Thank you I really needed a good laugh tonight! Those letters were awesome! Glad you had a great time, can't wait to hear more about it.

Brooke said...

That is awesome. I can't wait to hear more about your trip so I can envey you. I need you to be in my mind and comment on all those funny things that happen at church...at the market...at the mall, so I can get a good laugh. I don't quite have the knack for whitty retorts that you do.

Jillybean said...

The view from below of a climber in a thong?

EEEWWWW!

Did you spit in her lobster too?

Glad you're back!

Jackie said...

I hope you get your gift by today at least!! They said probably on Sat. Sorry you got stuck with a procrastinator!! And I LOVED my gift!!! Thank you so much!!! My oldest daughter ate the chocolate crackers and LOVED them! You were so generous!!! :)

Janell said...

Yay! I'm so glad you're back!

Jessica said...

A cruise sounds fantastic right now. I hope these were the only 2 bad expereinces. Can't wait to hear about the rest.

Melanie J said...

For the most part, the people we met on our cruise were totally cool but there's always the dummies...

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I love me a good cruise, especially when I interact with as few people as possible. :)

SO said...

I'm a firm believer that Thongs should have stayed on the feet where they belong.

And I hope someone spit in that dude's lobster as well.

Nat said...

Ha ha ha! I want to go on a cruise someday. I hope you had fun!

Jo said...

I am totally laughing. Got anymore of these? Sounds like you had a good time. Yay for you!

Deborah said...

You made my day!

Blog Archive