Spring Clinging

Maybe it's the warmer weather or the plans to visit my sister soon but I keep thinking back to my childhood. I practically grew up in our backyard with my siblings, spending the days chasing the dog, climbing up on top of the porch roof (but don't tell my mom), crawling all over the swing set, pretending we were D&D characters (what, you didn't already know I was a dork?), and just being a kid. With all those memories, it's no wonder that I look out on our back window and just sigh.

We don't really have a backyard. When we first moved in, we liked the idea of an "open community," with shared areas and not a lot of fences. The neighborhood would be like one big family. Besides, we were so close to the park that kids could just go there to play, right?

Well, they don't have a wood swing sets like I had. And it's not as much fun to have a dog when there isn't a specific space for it. I'm not the accomplished gardener and landscaping that my mother is so every year the vegetable garden sprouts a bumper crop of weeds.

But my kids see it a different way. Here, there are plenty of friends and games around that it's not too hard to find some fun. With a bucket of chalk, driveways become art galleries. The local dogs are smothered with affection by my kids (except for Baby, who is still nervous around any pets that are too big for a hamster wheel). Lemonade stands and rock sales become a corporation. Bike parades and cookouts. Popsicles and dance shows.

It's not my childhood but I'm loving that it is theirs.

What was/is your favorite thing about your backyard?

Wordless Wednesday: Happiness

(And yes, that is real five-pound bar of chocolate.)

Friday Confessional #2

I Confess...

I have no fashion sense. Just one look at what I'm wearing will tell you that.

I buy outfits based on the mannequin or pictures, just so I'm sure things go together.

Even though I love watching Project Runway (so does the Man but don't tell him I told you), I rarely pick the right winning outfit. In fact, quite frequently, my favorites are amongst the "worst" according to the judges, with descriptions like "matronly," "boring," or "out-dated." Yep. That's pretty much me.

I recently purchased a new top and was all excited that it was green because I don't have many shirts that are green. But when I hung it up in my closet, I realized I had a nearly identical top in blue. No wonder I liked it so much.

And I really wish I had more shoes. I've tried! I go to shoe stores and try on some adorable pairs that go with absolutely nothing I own. Usually, they don't fit or I can't walk in them. Chubby ladies should not attempt stiletto heels. I think it might void my health insurance.

I'm beyond professional help. Not even my most fashionable friends can help because, honestly, clothes for fat ladies aren't that great. They either attempt to draw attention away from the huge buttocks and direct it to the plunging cleavage. Or they are in denial that a woman with my curves would have a muffin top. Honey, I gots me a whole lotta muffin.

I'm not color-blind, just fashion-blind.

Now go visit Mamarazzi, who is most fashionable and definitely not a jerk.

Friday Confessional

I Confess...

I once gave up drinking milk for an entire year.

I was trying to be healthier and read a book by Mary Lu Henner, which contained on entire chapter on how bad milk is for your body.

After reading that, the thought of milk made me sick to my stomach.

So for 12 months, I drank almond milk instead.

For those of you not familiar with almond milk, it tastes like melted ice cream, and is just about as fattening.

I didn't lose weight.

Also, I tried soy cheese and decided that chewing on the plastic wrapper that normal cheese comes in would taste better.

After a year, that first glass of milk tasted like nectar of the gods.

What I Learned On My Christmas Vacation

• As much as I love the GPS system we have, it's rather depressing to get on to the main highway and see that your next turn is in 419 miles.
• There's a reason why there are no smash hit songs, popular movies, or best-selling books about Omaha.
• During the summer, Kansas is full of sunflowers and humidity. During the winter, the sunflowers are all gone and the humidity turns to ice.
• Everything in Texas is bigger. Especially the highway systems.
• Being two hours from your brother's house on your way back to Utah is a really bad time to discover his car keys are still in your purse.
• You know your anxiety medication is working when you see multiple cars sliding off the icy highway and you can still communicate with your spouse in a recognizable form of English.
• If you have to get stranded by the snow and poor road conditions, Moab, UT, is an absolutely beautiful place to do just that this time of year.
• When you finally get home, your messy kitchen will never look so inviting.

What was the best part of your Christmas vacation?

Boo Hoo

Sometimes, I take things a little too personally. A random comment (or lack of comment) can leave me deflated for days. Perhaps the person totally did not mean it that way; it's just my low self-esteem filling in the blanks. I'll mope around, eat a little too much chocolate, and just generally feel sorry for myself and the wretch that I've become, while the person - or as I like to refer to them, the super big meanie dummy head - had no clue that anything is other than as it should be.

Anyway...

Our family moved to this lovely community seven years ago. The following autumn, I started a fun little game. You might have heard of it. It's call a Boo. Or a Halloween Phantom. I'd print up a cutesy poem explaining that they had just been "boo'd" and now it was their turn to find another family to give anonymous treats to, thereby spreading the fun and calories around. The first year, I really made an effort. I got a trick-or-treating bucket, filled it with candy, homemade cookies, and a couple decorations. I cackled with glee every time I passed that house and saw the little ghost in the window, indicating that the house had already been boo'd. More of those little ghosts began to haunt the neighborhood! It was really cool to see my game spread. However, I couldn't help but notice, when skeletons were reburied in storage and the sugar buzz wore off, we didn't get a ghost.

The next year, I sent around two buckets, slightly toned down, as it might be intimidating to continue my awesomeness. Our neighborhood was growing and there were more people to share in my game. Same poem, same picture. Same results. Nobody boo'd us.

I carried on the tradition for two more years, always secretly hoping that every after-dark ring of the door bell would bring a ghost bearing a plate of goodies. It gets hard. The rejection starts to get personal when it happens so many years in a row. I wondered why we were never picked (was I too short? maybe too awesome? were we really part of some form of the Truman Show and my little game wasn't figured into the script and no one was allowed to contact us?). So I stopped. The past two years, I didn't try. I saw ghosts going up in windows so I knew someone else had picked up the torch, but they didn't pick us.

Tuesday night, it came: an almost-bedtime ring of the doorbell. A tinfoil covered plate of love sitting on our steps, with instructions on how to continue the game. I tried not to cry. It was finally my turn, like being asked to sit with the cool kids at lunch. Such a small thing, really. Nothing that would ruffle anyone else's feathers but to me...that ghost in my window is like a seal of approval that I've applied for year after year and was denied. But not this year.

What's a Birthday without a CAKE?

On any given day, I love decorating cakes. Love it. But on my birthday...well...I'd rather have someone else put forth all that time and effort for me.


Aunt Denise baked the cake and then (bravely) let all three kids decorate it. You can almost tell which sections match which child. There's a horde of chocolate chips (pirates, I'm told) swimming in sprinkles. That has to be the work of the Boy. Then the careful writing (it's harder to write on a cake than it looks) and flowers. Obviously da Boo's contribution. Those smudges of color amongst the fingerprint up in the corner could not have been made by anyone else except Baby.

And it all tastes really good with rocky road ice cream.

Battle of the Sexes' Shirts

Since my birthday is fast approaching, I've been sending links to the Man, guiding him in his gift selection ('cuz I'm nothing if not helpful when it comes to presents). The other day, I sent him the link for this shirt:

It's the molecule structure of Theobromine, the chemical in chocolate that makes you feel good. I thought it fitting, given my penchant for a nicely-crafted piece of chocolate.

He countered with this one:

To which I calmly respond:

And if he doesn't watch it, he'll be wearing this:

Hey, You're Just Too Funky For Me

I'm in a funk.

I'm not reading much, not really writing (I'm sure you've noticed the derth in posts and comments), certainly not editing.

I don't wear make-up every day or matching clothes and some days, I skip the shower.

I don't leave my house very often, don't chat with friends, and haven't had a Girls' Night Out since my mom was here.

And? I'm not even baking all that much. A newly-diagnosed diabetic gave me a bunch of sugar substitutes and asked me to try them out in some of my recipes (so I could tell her which ones were worth using) and I resisted. I waited a whole week before opening a bag.

Enough is enough! It's no fun being like this (and my house is a mess, too).

What do you do when you're just not feeling like yourself?

At It Again

Is there a rehab for swaps?

Because I swear I am addicted...I just mailed off one yesterday and here I am, signing back up for another. Mamarazzi hosts the best swaps! This one should be lots of fun. Making a package of my favorite guilty pleasures...but would my partner really want hot chocolate mix, bubble bath, and a mix tape of old 80s music? Who wouldn't, right?

What is your favorite guilty pleasure?

*Thanks for everyone who weighed in on the party conundrum. I appreciate the feedback. At this point, I've decided to have the party the week before Halloween. The deciding factor? I have the hardest time deciding what to have the kids do at parties. This way, I can have them decorating their own trick-or-treating bag. It can double as their take-home-the-loot bag. One less stress for me! And if you see any other cool Halloween party ideas, send them my way!

I Want I Want

So I'm doing another giveaway. 'Cuz nothing says "I love my readers" like free stuff! (Or maybe I should just provide interesting content that has redeeming value...)

There's this incredible website that I love to go coveting: Bakeware.com. I could not only spend days on that site but also my husband's entire salary. I had a gift certificate burning a hole in my laptop and that just made it all the more difficult to narrow down the choices. Looking at baking supplies for me is like looking at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue would be for teenage boys.

Do I go with the automatic cookie press? I've had my eye on one of those for years...

Maybe that really fun rose-shaped bundt pan. Oh, so pretty.

Or does the practical side of me win out and I go for the stacked set of circle cutters that would really make my life easier?

What do you think?

Tell you what...I'll give a $25 gift certificate for csnstores.com to one of my readers that picks the correct answer. Sound good? All you have to do is leave a comment stating which one of the above three items you think I ordered. From the correct entries, I will randomly select a winner. The contest will close one week from now, so Monday, August 16, at 9 pm.

Good luck!

Do You Smell Cookies?

The other day I am killing some time at the mall, so I stopped into Bath and Body Works. I'm getting low on my favorite body spray. And wouldn't you know it...they discontinued my scent. Again.

It's not like I'm picky about what I smell like. Wait, that's not all true. I kinda am particular. See, I like to smell like food. Vanilla, specifically. When I left for college, I outgrew "Poison" and "Eternity." Since then, I've picked vanilla-scented fragrances. (It that a redundant phrase?) Mostly, they come from Bath and Body Works because they have good stuff and some crazy awesome sales. But they also have a habit of stopping production of my favorites. Just when I found the perfect scent for me -- Vanilla Noir -- they go and cancel it. Good thing I had stocked up at their last sale but now I am in a bind.

I peruse their remaining scents. Orange Sapphire was intriguing but not me; it smelled too much like orange punch that got spiked. Sensual Amber made me gag (and snicker because I have friends named Amber, not all of whom are sensual). And Cumber Melon is just gross, gross, gross. The sales-cutie tries to assist me but I am pretty much just throwing a tantrum over losing my regular perfume. No, I didn't want Warm Vanilla Sugar. I wanted Vanilla Noir, dang it!

I leave the store and comfort myself with some chocolate-covered marzipan (now, there's a scent idea!) while pouting. Why did I like the vanilla scent so much anyway? It's like I was emotionally attached to a bottle of stink. Kinda ridiculous.

My affair with the vanilla scents started when dating got serious. I was no longer looking for a potential make-out session but marriage material. So why did I want to constantly smell like food? Was I trying to get to a man's heart through his stomach, by way of his nostrils? Was I trying to make spending time with me as enjoyable as eating a cinnamon roll? Maybe was it a promise of what our life would be like together: I might not be perfect but I can bake you into bliss.

I've found the man (and fattened him to ecstasy), so why the vanilla? Even now, I've been known to dab a little almond extract behind my ears. Hey, I decorate cakes sometimes. I use that all the time so it's handy, more so than that stuff clear up all those stairs in my room. I guess, now you could say that instead of enticing a man, I'm looking for potential customers.

It's like the cliche: "You can't trust a skinny cook." You can't choose a cake decorator who doesn't smell like baked goods. I've just adjusted my flirting to advertising.

Let Them Eat Cake

So I like to pretend that I'm a cake decorator. But even someone as naturally talented (and beautiful) (and athletic) as I am occasionally might have something to learn about the business. Lately, it seems like all I do is learn from my mistakes. Here are some of the things I've come to realize lately:

• I stick to only my recipes, unless they have Grandma's really awesome cake recipe. It's so awesome, in fact, that it doesn't need any sort of leavening agent and is more like a pudding than a cake. Not so good when trying to unmold it from the pan.
• 
  
• Telling people that I don't do wedding cakes apparently doesn't mean that I won't do theirs. I have made three wedding cakes in eleven years and each time, I am reminded of why I don't make them. Recently, I had a referral from an old friend who told the bride-to-be that I was great with fondant. Yeah, not so much. At least, not until recently, and I've still got a long way to go.
• 
  
• Making deals with strangers while out shopping is a good idea. Even if she has the last dress in your daughter's size that you desperately need for your family's first photo shoot since the youngest child was born, it will bring nothing but stress, frustration, and more stress. I felt like I signed away a part of my soul with that cake. But hey, Baby looked adorable in the dress!
• 
  
• Price doesn't matter. No matter how much I jack up the price on that cake I don't want to make for the super prissy lady, she's still going to order it. Is it too late to claim that I'm having a baby* that weekend?
• 
  
• Getting only a delivery date is fine. I don't need more specifics, like a time frame or an actual address. Nope. Got nothing better to do than sit by the phone and wait for you to return my numerous calls and let me know you're home.

Hopefully, I'll get my act together. It helps talking to the real professionals, like my buddy Amber, who was shocked (and maybe a little horrified) that I don't ask for full payment in advance. And while I was once paid in quarters, I've never been stiffed for a cake. I really don't want to add that one to the list.

* Before I get emails and "Congrats!" comments, I AM NOT PREGNANT. Seriously. Totally not. I mean it. Not even joking here, folks.

Hey, Look! I'm Posting!

I recently took the kids to a fun kid-oriented movie by myself. We went during Baby's morning naptime. I figured, she'd be low-key and cuddly, like she normally is that time of day. The movie had lots of action to keep my Star Wars-obsessed Boy entertained. AND there was popcorn. Boo would happily sell her soul for popcorn. Instead, I discovered a whole new level of my own personal hell.

Baby is weaning off the morning nap and instead of sitting calmly in my lap, she wanted to walk up and down the aisle of the dark theater, testing out all the strollers and carseats in her path.

The Boy proceeded to raise "freaking out" to a whole new level during the action portions, which caused me to split myself in two, so I could console him while chasing an escaping Baby.

Then? I forgot to bring money. No popcorn for Boo so she was less than pleased when asked to help with her siblings.

With one child stowing away in carseats, another hiding under his seat trying not to cry too loud, and a third pouting over her miserable life, it's a wonder we didn't leave after ten minutes. But we stuck it out and I promised myself all the homemade chocolate pudding I could whip up that evening. But we certainly weren't going back to the movies, at least not until all kids were in college.

That evening after the kids were in bed, I heard the usual giggling and chatting after hours. And what were they doing, you ask? Why, recreating their favorite scenes from the movie, of course! They keep asking me when we are going again, even promising to use their own money for tickets and treats.

I guess I had better stock up on pudding-making supplies. (And find a babysitter for Baby.)

Do you have any secrets to making a trip to the movies not end up as fodder for my therapist?

Come and Get It!

Just got back from looking up a winning comment from Random.org! Wanna know who was selected -- randomly -- as the winner? There were the 45 posted comments + the 15 additional entries for jumping through all my hoops. Random.org selected comment #7, which was from my buddy nikki:

nikki said...
I just want a girls day out, movie and a nice dinner! or maybe a massage. Hope you are feeling better soon, and I am glad you posted this link. I lost my old computer and along with it all my blog sites.
May 24, 2010 3:24 PM

Congratulations, nikki! Maybe you can get some massage accessories and recruit your husband while you watch a cheesy girl movie! (Email me your address, just in case I have an old one.)

While I was being a shrinking flower at the Casual Blogger Conference, I picked up some pretty cool stuff. Amongst my hoard were several business cards from companies who love to sponsor contests and giveaways on blogs. That could be fun! I'll be posting about my experience here shortly.

Hey, good lookin', watcha got cookin'?

I hate breakfast.

Always have.

Breakfast cereal manufacturers say its the most important meal of the day but I nearly have to choke down that bowl of cereal. Ugh. I don't like my food cold and wet (unless it happens to be ice cream). I don't like food that gets soggy. And it is inevitable that my breakfast will get soggy. I have three small children in varying states of panic in the morning. Cereal is never a good choice for me.

I like my breakfast hot. Preferably melty. That's not always practical on a typical morning in the Cow household. And did I mention I'm not that big a fan of eggs and omelets? Ideally, I'd like to have a sausage and cheese croissandwich from Burger King every morning. But that's not exactly conducive to my weight loss goals.

While trying to have something in my stomach for breakfast, I've been drinking an Instant Breakfast or a Slim Fast shake (when I remember to buy the mix and we're not out of milk). It is easy enough to drink down, leaving one hand free to brush hair, retrieve shoes, and even manage buttons. But it doesn't keep me full. Within an hour, I'm getting hungry again.

So, what does that leave me that's not cold, potentially soggy, hot, melty, not eggs, keeps me full longer and is reasonably good for me? Diddly squat, that's what.

Or at least that's what I thought...

At a friend's suggestion, I tried steel cut oatmeal. It takes some time and usually ends up overflowing, getting burned or congealed while I give orders gentle instructions to my brood. So I switched to instant. Have you seen those little packets? Kinda small and not very filling, either. I felt like a big ol' glutton dumping in two packets, though. Of course, the flavors I like (peaches and cream, apples and cinnamon) are the high-sugar options. However, I recently found a "weight control" option that provides a slightly large portion while cutting down on sugar and fat. But oatmeal just isn't tasty on it's own and I don't keep fresh berries on hand to spruce it up. So here's where the melt factory comes in: I add a tablespoon of chocolate chips. They're the semi-sweet kind so have less fat and sugar than the milk option and a little bit goes a long way. The chips are nice and melty after sitting on a steaming bowl of oatmeal while I'm kicking escorting children out the door to school, and when mixed together, they are tasty, tasty good!

What do you eat for breakfast?

How to Kill Harold Crick

When I tell people that I hear voices, their reaction -- after scooting away from me -- is to suggest medication and perhaps time away from the general public. With that kind of treatment, it was refreshing to be in a room full of people that also hear voices. And the room wasn't padded, either.

The voices I hear aren't real people. Well, they're real to me, but I can't introduce you properly. They are the characters in my books. With all that jabbering, they're busy vying for attention, attempting to explain motivation, and just trying to get more page time. Sometimes, they just whine. The happens when I haven't been writing. If that's the case, their thoughts start crowding into my mine, even at the most inconvenient times. Just this morning, Doug, my current main character, wanted to talk about the beginning of his book (he doesn't like it but he's always had self-esteem issues) and The Man wanted to talk about vacations. Kinda hard to give both of them my attention. Lucky for me, Doug is used to being ignored (his mom never was very attentive) so he agreed to wait until after breakfast.

But I was talking about that group of voice-hearing people, wasn't I? (It's no wonder I can't keep thoughts straight...I've got three conversations running through my head right now.) I was feeling the itch for some learnin' when I saw a mention on Facebook about a creative writing class. AND it was taught by Annette Lyon. Sweet! Even though it meant a half hour drive to class on a Saturday morning (I am so not a morning person, especially on the weekends), I was in! And what a glorious six weeks it was! Finally, people who spoke my language. And they were just as obsessive over plot holes! It was bliss.

And then it ended.

*sigh*

Anyone else know of a creative writing class nearby?

Oh, and anyone have suggestions for Spring Break locations? We want to go camping!

Swap Attack

I haven't participated in a swap in some time and I'm just itching to put together a package! So what would you think about me hosting a swap? Would you join in? What theme should we do?

Let me back up a little bit for those of you who aren't following the topic. A swap is where you give a package (usually with a specific theme) to another person (usually someone you've never met) and then receive a package for you. To make things even, you typically trade packages with a person, as opposed to sending to one person and receiving from a different person. Packages need to be mailed by a certain date (don't worry...I'll give you plenty of time!) and are within a price range (usually between $15 to $25). Hand-crafted items are highly encouraged. Also, I'd expect all participants to keep in touch through emails, to make sure they still intend to send a package.

Done with the nitty gritty. Let's talk about a theme! I've done a couple "Favorite Things" swaps, where you put together a package of your favorite things (lip gloss, book, movie, candy, lotion, picture of Taylor Lautner with his shirt off...whatever you like best) and share those with your partner. Those are fun. And fairly easy. Then there are the swaps for holidays. We'd be too close to Valentine's Day but Easter is still fair game. I've also done a "Birthday" swap. I sent my partner everything she'd need for a birthday party: cake mix, party favors, a book on party planning for kids, etc. Lots of options and I'm open to hear more, if you have 'em!

In your comments please tell me two things:

1 - If you'd be interested in taking part (this is not the actual signup, just gauging interest).

2 - What theme you like best.

High Resolution

I'm late with the resolution/recapping the year post. But then again, I'm usually late with just about everything. I was even 45 minutes to my wedding reception (and not even for a sexy reason: I was locked out of my hotel room and my dress was in there). I'll have to ask my mom, but I'm pretty sure I was a few days past my due date.

Anyways...

I've been thinking a lot about the last year. So many good and wonderful and cuddly things happened. Then there were the not-so-great things (that I am still not allowed to blog about).

So how do I want this year to be better? Well, for starters, I'd like to no rush to the hospital quite so often. But I think most of my goals boil down to this: DO MORE.

More Family Home Evenings that have a real lesson and not just watching a movie.

More playing with my kids instead of listening to them play while I blog check Facebook read a book.

More writing, editing, and getting serious about the "get published" dream I've had for years.

More physical activity. I complain about my weight but I'm only half-hearted about changing that.

One thing I'm going to start is a program called Couch to 5k. It's a paced running program designed specifically for non-runners (aka: couch potatoes). It starts you off nice and easy, with walking, and only requires three sessions a week. I can do that! So many people in my circle of friends have started running, even taking on marathons, 5ks, and triathlons. Surely I can do more besides jog down the stairs to get another handful of chocolate. I need to do more!

Anyone want to start the program with me for moral support?

*And don't forget to enter my frozen contest going on right now!

Fashion for Dummies

I do not know what to do with clothes. Oh, sure, I usually know how to dress myself: snap, buckle, and zip (although side zippers get tricky...). But when it comes to putting outfits together, I am completely clueless. Mostly, I get whatever the mannequin is wearing so I can be certain it goes together. It helps to make sure the mannequin is female and age-appropriate. You don't want to see me in a mini skirt.

And shoes? I am completely lost on what shoes are best. Black boots go with everything, right? When in doubt, I wear my mary janes (which are also black). Last time I counted, I owned 12 pairs of shoes - including my summer sandals and that one ugly pair of crocs. Definitely not a shoe addict.

So this is where I need your help, my beloved Internet!

Let's pretend I just bought this dress (if you are my husband; don't worry, I got it on sale!):

And this cute shrug:

I'm thinking Christmas parties and family photos.

But what does do I wear with this? I have some black boots (picture taken from the Payless site...not exactly like mine but the heels are close enough):

Those might not be so great...what about these two (both from Payless)?

A little on the edgy side for me and I'd probably never wear them with anything else. See? I told you I was clueless. I just didn't get the "shoe gene" on my extra X chromosome. And I'm not sure I want to go entirely in silver. What are the kids going to wear that would be good with this? I don't want us to end up looking like we're dressed in foil, expecting an alien invasion. If I knew how to do it, I be wringing my hands in agitation...

So...What do you think? Please send links, pictures, or samples. :) Um, but keep in mind that along with no shoe gene, I also didn't get the "spend huge amounts on apparel" gene so I can't stomach spending $80 on a pair of shoes. I know, I know...I should go into some sort of conditioning camp for the fashion-deficient.

And if you are fashion-enabled and can make an awesome outfit from anything, would you please come with me to find clothes for the kids that go with this dress? I'm serious about this! We haven't had a family picture since the Boy was born and family members are starting to think Baby doesn't really exist, as they have no photographic proof of our improved family unit. I really need help! I'll buy you lunch! I might even bring cupcakes...Anyone? Anyone?