"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Do You Smell Cookies?

The other day I am killing some time at the mall, so I stopped into Bath and Body Works. I'm getting low on my favorite body spray. And wouldn't you know it...they discontinued my scent. Again.

It's not like I'm picky about what I smell like. Wait, that's not all true. I kinda am particular. See, I like to smell like food. Vanilla, specifically. When I left for college, I outgrew "Poison" and "Eternity." Since then, I've picked vanilla-scented fragrances. (It that a redundant phrase?) Mostly, they come from Bath and Body Works because they have good stuff and some crazy awesome sales. But they also have a habit of stopping production of my favorites. Just when I found the perfect scent for me -- Vanilla Noir -- they go and cancel it. Good thing I had stocked up at their last sale but now I am in a bind.

I peruse their remaining scents. Orange Sapphire was intriguing but not me; it smelled too much like orange punch that got spiked. Sensual Amber made me gag (and snicker because I have friends named Amber, not all of whom are sensual). And Cumber Melon is just gross, gross, gross. The sales-cutie tries to assist me but I am pretty much just throwing a tantrum over losing my regular perfume. No, I didn't want Warm Vanilla Sugar. I wanted Vanilla Noir, dang it!

I leave the store and comfort myself with some chocolate-covered marzipan (now, there's a scent idea!) while pouting. Why did I like the vanilla scent so much anyway? It's like I was emotionally attached to a bottle of stink. Kinda ridiculous.

My affair with the vanilla scents started when dating got serious. I was no longer looking for a potential make-out session but marriage material. So why did I want to constantly smell like food? Was I trying to get to a man's heart through his stomach, by way of his nostrils? Was I trying to make spending time with me as enjoyable as eating a cinnamon roll? Maybe was it a promise of what our life would be like together: I might not be perfect but I can bake you into bliss.

I've found the man (and fattened him to ecstasy), so why the vanilla? Even now, I've been known to dab a little almond extract behind my ears. Hey, I decorate cakes sometimes. I use that all the time so it's handy, more so than that stuff clear up all those stairs in my room. I guess, now you could say that instead of enticing a man, I'm looking for potential customers.

It's like the cliche: "You can't trust a skinny cook." You can't choose a cake decorator who doesn't smell like baked goods. I've just adjusted my flirting to advertising.

11 comments:

Mary said...

No, but when I get home from work I hear IV machines beep for days.

Also, I'd be happy to accept some cookies...oatmeal, sugar, or good ole' fashioned chocolate chip :o)

Jessica G. said...

Sorry, Mary, I hit the wrong button and accidentally posted just the title...oops!
But hey, next time you're up this way, I'll make ya cookies!

Mary said...

Bath & Body works d/c my favorite fragrances all the time!! Just wait for the semi-annual sale in Jan & June...that's when they bring back the old fragrances. I always go for the flowery scents...maybe b/c I used to work in a nursery :o)

Bonnie the Boss said...

Bath and body does that all the time. I never get in there, so concider yourself lucky you got the away time to do it. lol.

Amanda said...

I used to drench myself in perfume...until....about 10-12 years ago I guess. I somehow became allergic to most scents and they give me a migraine the minute I inhale them.....I have had to move in church before b/c someone with a very stone scent sat near us. Anyway...I love the smell of Almond extract...but I doubt I could wear it...I can't wear any scents even my lotion has to be fragrance free!

and looking at all your cakes makes me want some...LIKE NOW!

Janell said...

Just a few weeks ago I was in B&BW during a great sale. They discontinued my favorite scent a year or two ago, and I'd been getting buy with a so-so one. They apparently discontinued that one as well. I spent nearly 30 minutes trying to find a scent I liked. In the end I decided I'm just going to have to buy my hand soap a company with a more reliable fragrance selection.

Jessica said...

I think it's genious. I rarely wear purfume (mostly because I'm cheap and lazy) but I put some on the other day from one of those paper magazine inserts. All day long I kept wondering where that smell was coming from before realizing it was me.

Annette Lyon said...

Totally random comment here--but you like chocolate-covered marzipan?!!!! I know about 2 other people on the planet who do (me and my mother).

You're officially a click even COOLER than you were before.

Danielle said...

Jessica, the way you wrote this is HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!! Love it! PS: What's your email addy? I'll send you an invite to my blog. BTW, your cakes are CUTE! (and it's totally true that men like the smell of vanilla!)

Rupper Family said...

Just think of all those guppies we killed just to have an excuse for a wake, with a cake! Oh the humble beginnings of your career! :)

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Sadly, I don't currently smell any cookies. But I'd like to. Perfumes are tough. I used to love an apple scented one from VS but they continued that. Right now I have a pink one (can't remember the name) from B&BW and I'm wondering if they've discontinued that as well.

And now I'm obsessing about fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. Actually it's so hot, I'd just eat the dough. Mmmmm......

Blog Archive