Because It's Monday

And we could all use a little smile right about now…

(but you might want to go to the bathroom first so you don't pee yourself)

If I Were A Zombie...

The "Out of Candy" sign went on the door a little early this tear. The bucket still has some goodies but I'm hanging on to the last of the Kit Kats. The kids have collapsed from their sugar-induced frenzy. I've already "inspected" a few pieces of candy (you can never be too careful…especially when it comes to chocolate). Pictures are coming later. Maybe.

Meanwhile, enjoy this seasonally suitable video:



Thanks to Just SO for the link. And Tipi? This one's for you!

What candy do you steal inspect from your kids' bags?

Wordful Wednesday: When Zombies Attack Young Couples

It's no secret that I anticipate a zombie apocalypse…possibly starting around late December 2012. Or not. And I'm not the only one.

A young couple, hopelessly in love, takes a trip to a more rural and rustic part of the country to capture those stylish engagement photos with forgotten backdrops. You know the scene: overgrown fields of wheat, abandoned buildings, rusted farm equipment. What they should have asked was why those places were abandoned in the first place…

I can't do it justice and I'd rather not "borrow" someone else's work, so go on over to Amanda Rynda's photography site and take a look through her most recent photo shoot! Makes me want to do mine all over again.

Move Over, Twilight!

Have you read "The Hunger Games" trilogy by Suzanne Collins? Not only is the writing of higher quality than the Twilight Saga, but the love triangle is a lot more believable. And no one sparkles. I even convinced the Man to read it! I can't get him to sit through an entire Twilight movie.

Rumors of the upcoming Hunger Games movie have had me going spastic like nothing else. I highly approve of the selected cast (except how hard would it be to have Peeta be blond? Really, give the boy some bleach and be done with it!). Also, does anyone know if Lenny Kravitz can actually act?

In my quest to find more tidbits of tribute goodness, I found this youtube yumminess:



(And since all my video frames get cut off, go here to see the un-squished version.)

I've been a Peeta fan since book one. Not just because he can bake, either. The guy is sweet! Who wouldn't swoon for someone who has been secretly in love with you since you were in pigtails?

Which one would you choose: Peeta or Gale?

600 Zombies

Lately, it seems like zombies are already taking over the world. Or at least my world. And since I am the center of the universe, it affects everyone. And really, if there was a zombie invasion, wouldn't you want to know about it?

Innocently enough, it started with Facebook. One day, we might discover that the fall of mankind began with a status update, but in my case, it was flair. Flair is a collection of clever/funny/mushy/serious images and sayings in the shape of buttons. Like those you might wear on your rainbow-colored suspenders. I found one that was clever and cute and oh so innocent:

Things started to snowball from there.

I read "The Forest of Hands and Teeth" by Carrie Ryan while we were camping down in Moab...causing me to have zombie-induced nightmares the entire trip.

As if wiggling in a sleeping bag out in the middle of the wilderness isn't enough, reading about a girl running through the wilderness being chased by zombies isn't conducive to a good night's sleep. I liked the story, but because of the nightmares, I won't read the sequel. At least, not unless it's full daylight outside, all access points to my house are barricaded, and I can hold a baseball bat in my free hand.

Then my favorite radio station recently fired all the djs and now only plays 90s music. So I've heard the Cranberries' "Zombie" quite a bit lately. A teenaged acquaintance was horrified that I didn't know Rob Zombie's music. And after listening to it, I think I was better off oblivious.

Sadly, one of my favorite Twilight-themed blogs went dormant but I still like to peruse the entries. The last post? One that explains how Edward wouldn't be nearly as desirable if he were one of the living dead. True enough. As if sparkling wasn't enough of a turn-off, attempting to eat my brains during a make-out session would definitely kill the moment.

One of my can't-decide-if-I-really-like-it-but-I-can't-stop-watching movies is Shaun of the Dead.

Thinking this was a silly comedy, I made the mistake of trying to watch this while the Man was out of town. At night. With no viable weapons in the house (we don't own a Cricket bat) and surrounded by plate glass windows just begging to be smashed by decaying limbs.

Now, I see zombies everywhere...in other books, casual mentions on tv, otherwise innocent conversations, and even in the mirror when I have to wake up extra early to get the kids ready for the Fourth of July parade. It's inevitable. The zombies are coming.

The final straw arrived in my email the other morning:

Oh my...

During a zombie invasion, what would you do to survive?

Linky Links

I shouldn't be posting with the mood I'm in, so instead, I'm just going to send you over to one of my favorite film critics.

Eric Snider went to BYU with me and although we didn't have any classes together (he was a year ahead of me), I did gaze adoringly at him across the newsroom floor on many occasions. This guy has some serious talent! His column titled "Snide Remarks" was the highlight of the Daily Universe, with only the Police Beat giving it any competition (remember...I wrote for the the newspaper so I can make comments like these and know what I'm talking about). Anyway, he now does movie reviews, which you can subscribe to by email or read on his site. I do both. Because I'm dedicated (and have too much time now that NaNoWriMo is over).

Here are two of my favorite movie reviews:
Twilight
New Moon

Enjoy!

Takes One To Know One

Sorry for the lack in posts lately...I found a new blog and have been devouring the archives!

Unless you've been on the dark side of the moon or perhaps researching string theory at the North Pole, you might have heard of a little book called Twilight. It's an engrossing read, my friend. Sure, there are four rather thick books (not to mention half of another book online) but you can get through those in a matter of days, as long as you forgo your sleeping schedule, eat meals that require only one hand, and skip showering. Who needs to be clean when you can be with Edward?


In order to understand Twerd-speak, you really ought to read it yourself. You'll thank me. But your husband/boyfriend/crush won't. Poor thing. He'll be left all alone. Don't worry...there's a support group. Have him go here. They understand his suffering and can help him come to grips with it.

Seriously, go take a look! Really funny stuff! I think this one is my favorite.

Well, it can't be worse than the first one...

He Loves Me! He Really Loves Me!

I sent the Man to the store to get a some things for dinner tomorrow...

He came back with this:


(But he still won't watch it with me.)

(And he won't let me call him Edward...)

I Can Totally Relate...

I'm making peanut brittle today.

Now I understand how Edward Cullen could want to make out with something that smells so good.

How To Behave Like A Teenager When It Is Painfully Obvious That You Really Aren't One

Step One: Have a friend who is a huge fan of something, say like the Twilight series. This friend will then get you tickets to a midnight premiere of the movie.

Step Two: Dress the part. Everyone will be wearing themed shirts so you have to have one, too.

Step Three: Abandon all responsibility that you might have that evening and meet your friends at the movie theater at a time that is usually around your bedtime. Proceed to stand in line for a very, very long time. (Be very grateful that at least one part of you remained adult-ish and opted to wear comfortable shoes instead of your super cute ones.)

Step Four: Laugh, giggle, talk and just generally enjoy yourself while standing in line for nearly two hours. Once you get your seats, still laugh, giggle and talk but this time you can include talking about the people around you (one of which may or may not be an absolute freak - and not in a good way).

Step Five: Do not have a contraction! You are a carefree teenager! Not a full-grown, responsible adult, preparing to give birth in just a couple weeks. So that devastatingly painful ache that is gripping you? Maybe it was just something you ate.

Step Six: Clap for joy and cheer when the movie finally starts.

Step Seven: Periodically annoy the friends sitting next to you with your harsh critiques of the movie's progress. Join in on the various outbursts from other members of the audience.

Step Eight: Refuse to go to the bathroom. You are a teenager, you can hold it.

Step Nine: Marvel at the following - a) how far away from the book a movie script can go b) how bad the acting can be by supposed professionals c) how a man can be smolderingly delicious one second and then just look weird the next.

Step Ten: Stumble home, bone weary but somehow wide awake and attempt to remember that you are not a teenager. Wince at the resulting aches and pains as you try to fall asleep.

I give the Twilight movie a 3 1/2 out a possible 10. I won't go into detail here, because I don't want to ruin it for anybody who is really excited to see the movie...but I'll link you to a fellow non-teenager's review and let her blast your hopes out of the water. You're welcome!

My Obsession - Kinda...

I re-read Twilight in preparation for the upcoming movie. And yes, I do have tickets to the midnight premiere (I plan on wearing my Halloween costume but then there are these other shirts that I kinda wish I found before I made mine...).

And I gotta say...I think the thrill might be gone. Maybe its knowing how it all ends that is doing it or maybe it's just because I saw this hilarious spoof on the trailer. Wanna see it?



I think I might like it better than the actual trailer! At the behest of a devoted fan, I read Stephenie Meyer's "Midnight Sun," which is the Twilight book from Edward's perspective. She stopped writing it just before the critical meadow scene because the unfinished manuscript was leaked onto the Internet. Still, it helps explain a little better how someone as magnificent as Edward would be interested in boring Bella. And there are some lines in there that just kill me, like on page 112, at the bottom.

Today is da Boo's birthday party and I've made three cakes in the past two days so I'm a little busy...enjoy the trailer and I'll see ya soon!

Foto Friday: Halloween Edition

Kids are in bed.
Sign on the door reads "Out of Candy."
Raided the kids' bags for Dots and fun size Snickers.
Finally, I can get to the important stuff, like posting on my blog.

I am lame; we all know this. I make my kids go with a theme for Halloween every year. Last year, they were members of the Royal Court. Year before that, Boo was an angel and Boy was a devil (why, yes, I was type casting...why do you ask?). This year...we went back in time to the 1950s.


Boo wasn't sold on the "poodle skirt" concept until I showed her the different poodles she could get. She named her poodle Franzeeza. I have no idea where she got that. And I made the skirt. Aren't I awesome?


The Boy is a little easier to get to do my bidding to influence. All I had to do was tell him he was a "motorcycle guy" and he was all over it. Back of the jacket says "Thunderbirds." Getting him to sit still while I combed his hair like a "Greaser" was another challenge...

Then there was my costume. I make it a point to dress up every year, usually in outfits that are a little out of the ordinary and/or funny. Well, at least I think they're funny. The Man usually just rolls his eyes at me. I've been an icing bag, a deviled egg (complete with horns and a tail), and a pumpkin "pi." This year, I had planned on being a sandwich/witch but being pregnant, that didn't sound as funny. Second choice was to recycle a costume from years gone by, but again...big belly makes it hard to squeeze into things. Since my acquired girth was an issue, why not make it into an asset? Maybe I could go as a nun! That would be funny. Kind of. But since I've been obsessing lately, the idea suddenly came to me...


I lost count of how many people - who obviously hadn't read the Twilight Series - asked me if that was my baby's name. No. I try not to subject you to pictures of me, being "large with child" or otherwise. And by the way? Whoever came up with the phrase "you look ready to pop!" ought to be drug out into the street and shot.

Happy Halloween!

What treats are you raiding from your kids' goody bags tonight?

New Obsession

We're sorry but the Cow is out of the office today and cannot be reached until after naptime tomorrow. Please leave a message after the tone.

beeeeep.


But just in case you can't go a day without me, please enjoy my latest obsession: the new trailer for the Twilight movie!



It's a very good thing that the Man comes home today because after watching that...dang, I need me some affection.

Foto Friday #13

Betcha thought I forgot all about Foto Friday (again). But I remembered! I just couldn't find my camera...

Da Boo's school had a Backwards/Inside Out day. All the kids were encouraged to wear their clothes backwards, inside out, or both. Boo refused to wear pants backwards, frequently reminding me about her preschool teacher, who apparently had issues going to the bathroom while wearing backwards pants. She wanted to wear a skirt, but inside out. This was problematic, as most of her skirts have shorts attached underneath. So we went for the backwards skirt, inside out shirt.


And the tiara was added after school. Hey, if the crown fits...

The other night, I went to fill up my kids' nighttime water glasses and this about freaked me out:


He belongs to the Boy, one of those "grow your own" things (used to be about three inches long) that I got him as a bribe from the dollar bins at the craft store. It's been living in the kids' sink ever since...I'm beginning to wonder if maybe they aren't really brushing their teeth at night but feeding the gator instead.

Although this was "the birthday that shall not be mentioned," I did get one awesome thing:


I love it! Aunt Denise was vacationing in Washington this summer and called me from Forks*. After we finished squealing, I told her I would love her forever if she brought me back a sweatshirt. And she did! This is an authentic Forks High School sweatshirt, with the actual logo and colors, not from some little kiosk at the mall. I was thinking of wearing it to a blogger lunch I'm going to tomorrow but I think the host of the lunch might try and steal it...

P.S.
The shop did find my present...two weeks late.

P.P.S.
The Man comes home tomorrow!! HOORAY!!!

* If you don't know what I'm talking about here, then I just don't know if we can be friends anymore...or you can go here to find out.

When Target Fails

I love Target. Those big red carts and luscious aisles of stuff make my heart beat faster. I get doe-eyed just thinking about the place. I cover my notebook with "I heart Target" and "Mrs. Jessica Target" all the time. This is more than a crush, this is true love, people! So imagine the heartbreak when Target let me down. Devastating. Like when Edward left Bella in New Moon.

Let me explain.

Da Boo is short. This is my fault. I was always the shortest in my class. She is so short that I am frequently asked if she and the Boy are twins. No, they're two and half years apart! But because she is "vertically challenged," it was rather difficult to find a backpack that didn't hang down to her knees. I even tried the toddler backpacks but it had to be big enough to carry a full-sized folder home and none of those measured up. So I went to Target, because Target always has what I need.

But not this time.

Oh, sure, we found a backpack da Boo loved and immediately clasped to her bosom. It had all of her favorite things: flowers, hearts and poodles. And it was pink. Perfection in canvas form. But just when she declared this backpack to be the very best one she had ever, ever, ever seen, I noticed something. It was the flowers...their centers looked a little funny; not quite symmetrical. That's when I saw what they were: skulls. Seriously. Skulls. On a little girls' pink backpack. Apparently symbols of death are all the rage in grade school because I began to see the hidden skulls on all the other backpack designs. Wha...?

But it was too late. I knew that look in her eyes and unless I wanted a repeat of "Firestarter," I had better slink to the checkout and plunk down my money for those pink skulls. Sigh...

I tried to find a replacement. We even found a sparkly purple nylon backpack that almost had her won over but, alas...no poodles. So I did the next best thing: I got crafty. First, I used a black permanent marker and colored in all the skulls. While it looked better, the skulls were still slightly visible, even after three layers of marker. No problem. I had some glittery pinkish purple puff paint. Success! The flowers now had sparkly centers and were no longer omens of doom.


The finished product! She thought it was lots better than the original backpack and wanted to wear it to bed. That's the ultimate seal of approval here...if it makes it into my kids' bedtime horde.


But, Target? If you ever let me down like that again and make my daughter go giddy over skulls, I'm going to have to leave you. And really, neither of us wants that to happen.

I Surrender

This morning, I was awakened by my son trying to forcibly feed me a lollipop. Where exactly he found said treat is questionable. He took it personally when I refused.

Looking outside, it's a miserable day. It's cold. It's windy. It's snowing. Yup, snowing.

I am sick. I have a painful cough, which, while agonizing, doesn't have the right symptoms to warrant a prescription. I could really use some drugs. Not for me...for the kids. One is semi-sick and the other is perfectly fine. The semi-sick one is just sick enough (same cough) to be whiny, hog the humidifier and constantly burst into tears at the slightest slight. Not sick enough to medicate and therefore, send to a druggy nap for the afternoon. The other one is about to be sold to gypsies. They just need to raise their price a little more so I can afford that all-expenses-paid resort trip.

Did I happen to mention that the Man is gone? Yeah. Won't be back until next weekend.

The only thing keeping me from pulling on pjs and crawling back into bed for the rest of the week is the fact that tonight is Book Group. The book for this evening? Twilight. So of course I'm going. Even have a babysitter lined up. Just hope I can get out a complete sentence without coughing up a lung.