"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan

Friday, November 21, 2008

How To Behave Like A Teenager When It Is Painfully Obvious That You Really Aren't One

Step One: Have a friend who is a huge fan of something, say like the Twilight series. This friend will then get you tickets to a midnight premiere of the movie.

Step Two: Dress the part. Everyone will be wearing themed shirts so you have to have one, too.

Step Three: Abandon all responsibility that you might have that evening and meet your friends at the movie theater at a time that is usually around your bedtime. Proceed to stand in line for a very, very long time. (Be very grateful that at least one part of you remained adult-ish and opted to wear comfortable shoes instead of your super cute ones.)

Step Four: Laugh, giggle, talk and just generally enjoy yourself while standing in line for nearly two hours. Once you get your seats, still laugh, giggle and talk but this time you can include talking about the people around you (one of which may or may not be an absolute freak - and not in a good way).

Step Five: Do not have a contraction! You are a carefree teenager! Not a full-grown, responsible adult, preparing to give birth in just a couple weeks. So that devastatingly painful ache that is gripping you? Maybe it was just something you ate.

Step Six: Clap for joy and cheer when the movie finally starts.

Step Seven: Periodically annoy the friends sitting next to you with your harsh critiques of the movie's progress. Join in on the various outbursts from other members of the audience.

Step Eight: Refuse to go to the bathroom. You are a teenager, you can hold it.

Step Nine: Marvel at the following - a) how far away from the book a movie script can go b) how bad the acting can be by supposed professionals c) how a man can be smolderingly delicious one second and then just look weird the next.

Step Ten: Stumble home, bone weary but somehow wide awake and attempt to remember that you are not a teenager. Wince at the resulting aches and pains as you try to fall asleep.

I give the Twilight movie a 3 1/2 out a possible 10. I won't go into detail here, because I don't want to ruin it for anybody who is really excited to see the movie...but I'll link you to a fellow non-teenager's review and let her blast your hopes out of the water. You're welcome!

18 comments:

Jo said...

Awww come on, being pg and a teenager puts you in good company, like Sarah Palin's daughter! I am too old to stay up that late.

Popcorn House said...

Too bad it wasn't good. I am seeing it tomorrow with my aunt. OH well, 2 hours with no kids right?

I was totally laughing this!

Popcorn House said...

Was supposed to say

I was totally laughing AT this. You are always so funny!!!

Kristina P. said...

I can't wait to see it next weekend! Oh, wait, yes I can.

And I will be doing a photo essay of my reactions and feelings to the movie. Stay tuned.

Jillybean said...

I heard that it was really funny and it wasn't supposed to be funny.

Marrdy said...

I am so impressed that you were able to stand in line, sit in uncomfortable chairs and hold your bladder for 5 hours. You get mother of the year!!

Thanks for stopping by. And it's OK not to be a Jazz fan. I think I am the only one in my family.

Heather said...

wow you didn't go to the bathroom once? I'm not pregnant I might not have made that!

Jessica G. said...

I only made it without going to the bathroom because I went literally seconds before it started, the concessions line was waaaaay too long and the vending machine didn't take my five dollar bill (only takes ones). And I was out of my chair, down the stairs and in the line for the bathroom again as soon as the credits started to roll. :)

Amanda said...

I could never have done that while 9 months preggo. heck..I couldn't do it now. I don't like going to the movies much at all. Glad to know I won't be missing much:)

Trying to Stay Calm! said...

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sillyhaywardfamily said...

Yep too bad that movie royally bombed!!! I was dying at how bad the acting was!! It was a professional movie right?

ramsam said...

I am going tonight, for the fun of it with the girls. I am sad they didn't do a better job- but I suspect the movie will do just fine, anyway.

Teresa said...

My night with friends at the Twighlight premiere sounds just like yours except I wasn't having contractions. But it was still painful :0) We were all laughing out loud and it wasn't because of the humor or witty dialogue. It was because of the most low budget special effects I've EVER seen. Too funny! I agree with the 3 1/2 stars all the way.

Melanie J said...

Hm. Didn't want to see it before, didn't change my mind when we saw the crazy lines on the way to the Bond movie last night, and REALLY don't want to see it now. Thanks for the head's up.

Deborah said...

I did the midnight showing too. But not pregnant style. If people go to the movie without high expectations I think it might be good. I went with too high of expectations and later learned after watching it that it was a low budget movie. Imagine how incredible it would be if "Twilight" had the director who did "Harry Potter." Maybe the next one will be less cheesy.

Robyn said...

I was bummed! I thought edward was suppose to be hot, not gay! Oh well! I must admit it was fun to play young again!

The Slothower Family said...

I agree I totally hated the movie. I too went to a midnight showing here in AZ. It was really depressing.

Bonnie the Boss said...

I don't have high hopes for this movie, and I am not one of those freaks you mentioned. So I may just avoid it all together.
I am glad you had fun with the girls though and that you didn't go into labor.

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