How I Made My First Million…Almost

At the beginning of summer, just before school let out, I had a moment of genius. These moments are rare so I tend to brag about them. While having the kids home had some perks (like fetching me a drink or the tv remote), I wasn't looking forward to weeks of whining, complaining, and declarations of deadly boredom. Usually, I'd just ignore them until I ran out of chocolate patience. Then the yelling stern reprimands would suck all the fun out of vacation. For all of us.

There had to be a better way.

Then I got an idea. It was so simple that I was surprised someone hadn't already created these and had them mass produced in China.

Behold, the Busted Jar.

An old mason jar with a slot in the lid, an overuse of colored fonts on my computer, some tape, and voila! The kids were totally busted. And I was gonna get rich one nickel at a time.

The week the Busted Jar was implemented, I gave each child a dollar's worth of nickels as part of their allowance. I explained the purpose, went over the "banned phrases," and reiterated that fines would be due immediately. And should we not be at home, I kept a tab for them, due as soon as our car pulled into the garage.  But we had plans for summer, they insisted, and season passes to the water park. Surely they wouldn't owe me a cent, because they would be having too much fun!

Ah, the follies of youth.

Here's a few of the "banned" phrases:
I'm bored.
What can I do?
That's/It's not fair!
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?
This is boring!
There's nothing to do.
Awwwwwwww (in a super whiny voice).
Aldo banned? Saying "no" or asking "why?" in response to a request.

Did you get a good look at the pictures? Did you notice that along with the nickels, there are dimes, quarters, and even a dollar? That was after two weeks. TWO. WEEKS. This was gonna be awesome.

Then something strange happened. They stopped whining! By the end of the first month, the two older kids were no longer getting busted. Baby still had issues but hey, she's three. I must say, we all had a much better summer vacation. With a lot less whining and yelling.

Now that school is back in session, I've kept the Busted Jar on the counter.

Just as a reminder.

Takin' Care of Business

My family enjoys a good camping trip. And although we'd much prefer to camp during an unexpected blizzard (it's called making memories, people!) occasionally, we actually have fun. In fact, camping is very much a part of our summer plans. However, now that it's getting chilly, I'm packing away the gear. While cleaning out a bag, I found this list. My scrawled and shaky notes (possibly written in the car or while on a pit toilet) were supposed to become a blog post but must have gotten lost in the unpacking and showering and de-ticking and trying to get the smell of bug spray out of our cooler.

So here it is for your viewing -- and probably gagging -- enjoyment!

Why Pit Toilets Are The Worst Life Experience Ever Inflicted Upon Civilized Cultures

1. You never want to use them unless you really gotta go. Inevitably, there will be someone in line ahead of you and that someone will take a very, very loooooooooong time.
2. Do I really need to mention the smell? You might pretend it doesn't bother you but really, that's just keeping a brave face in front of the kids, like you do when comforting them after they've puked all over the bathroom, pretending that their vomity breath isn't making you want to hurl.
3. You will inevitably have an audience, although it will be of the insect variety. Once, there was a frog in there with me. I couldn't pee and opted for remote bushes instead. (You're welcome.)
4. The height on these things? Ridiculous! Are the makers prejudiced against short-legged folk? Because picnic tables are the same way…it's pretty embarrassing when your feet don't touch. But because of the height, using a germaphobe's "hover" technique is out of the question. Only option is a full-cheek press.
5. Ain't nothing like that "cool breeze" on your nethers to really keep you focused on the task at hand.
6. Couldn't they at least add some sound proofing? I don't need a "reassuring" echo of my business.
7. You might want to consider bringing your own toilet paper. Sometimes, there are four rolls on the locked metal bar and sometimes, you don't even get a full sheet. Do you really want to take that gamble?
8. Don't. Look. Down. If you're not careful, you could lose your sunglasses or camera or small child. My dad once lost a flashlight. I wonder what that next person thought of that.
9. Maybe it's just me, but somehow, I just don't feel done without a flush. So unsatisfying.
10. No sinks. Seriously. NO SINKS. At least now they're putting in hand sanitizer stations.

Beware of Casual Remarks...

Last night, my m-i-l and I were just chatting, having a relaxing evening (well, it was relaxing after the kids went to bed). She asked what I had planned for the next day and I replied that I had nothing, my day was wide open.

"Maybe we should do something fun with the kids," she suggested.

"Well, da Boo did say she wanted to go to the zoo..." I joked.

"Hrmmm, the zoo..."

The zoo is an hour away. I wasn't serious. Turns out, my m-i-l had some family matters to attend to in the big city and the zoo wasn't far away from there. So this morning we packed up the kids and headed north to the zoo!

Now before you freak out, we aren't actually in the cage with the lynx but it really looks like it! We're in the viewing area and the big kitty is sitting in front of us. That was pretty cool.

The gorilla was the kids' favorite. Why? Because he picked his nose and ate it...right in front of us...repeatedly. Then the Boy decided this was a good idea and picked his nose. He proceeded to hand me what he found in there. Ewwwwww...

I liked the zebras. These guys are just cool looking! So are they white with black stripes or black with white stripes?

We have not been to the zoo since the Boy was an infant so it was fun to do that! And because the kids were so good, I let them pick out a toy from the gift shop. They both picked tigers. Da Boo's is a mommy tiger carrying a cub and the Boy chose a really soft stuffed tiger. For those of you who know the Boy, you can understand the significance of this purchase (and just how funny it is). After the zoo, both kids fell asleep on the drive home. I almost did, too, but I was driving.

And only one more "wake-up" until the Man is back! Yipppeee!

Fourth of July!

We like to celebrate the independence of our great nation by setting fire to a small portion of it. The day started early, with a trip into Provo for their big parade. Sorry, but my camera's batteries died before the first shot and then Mom's were dead, too! Kids had a blast. Then after lunch and putting the kids down for naps, we girls snuck off to the Freedom Festival in Provo. Lots of fun! When we got back, we let the kids sleep a little longer before waking them up for BBQ'd steaks, baked potatoes, pineapple, french bread (gasp! how un-patriotic!), lemonade, home grown peas, and homemade ice cream.

Here are the fireworks. I get all giddy just lookin' at 'em! First came the exploding paratroopers, which are always good for sending the kids running wildly around the loop, trying to catch the little half-toasted cork on a parachute. Next, we had my personal favorites: the glow worms. Remember those? They look like miniature hockey pucks that you ignite. Then red-hot, black ash worms miraculously rise from the driveway. They are very cool!

It still wasn't dark enough so we had some snaps. The kids aren't quite strong/coordinated enough to throw them down and pop 'em so we went for the stomping method instead.

As the sky starts to darken, we break out the sparklers. Even Aunt Denise got in on the fun! Ah, the childhood memories (not accidentally getting burned by a sibling but trying not to cry because then Mom and Dad wouldn't let us have more sparklers).

We were able to set off a few fountains and some lovely whirling, sparking things before it got dark enough for the local government to start their big show. I had also given the kids glow-in-the-dark necklaces, which they wanted to take to bed with them.




Thought we'd see if the camera would capture some of the fireworks. Yup! So we tried it again!



Did you know that fireworks and parades and all the hullabaloo that goes with the Fourth of July is actually all part of a decree from our Founding Fathers? Seriously! So if you're feeling guilty about the amount of money you spend on hazardous materials when you could be replacing the air filter in your car, just remember: you are celebrating in a manner that is expected of you as a US citizen.

Happy Fourth!

Swimming Lessons

Taking a break from London to post about some other happens.

The Crazy Grandparents left this morning and already the kids are asking when they will be coming back. We had a really good time with them. Also, it was utterly awesome of them to take the time to stay with my kiddos while we went gallivanting across the world. I'm going to miss them!

While we were still in London, the kids began their first swimming lessons. Da Boo was signed up with a friend so she had no problems going to class.

She was about five inches under the height requirement but since she wasn't afraid to get in the water by herself, they let her take the class. (photo courtesy of Crazy Grandma)

Looks like she's enjoying it!

The Boy was a completely different story. The first couple sessions of his Parent/Tot class (can't call it Mommy and Me because there were several fathers), the Boy went with Grampa. And he also refused to get in the pool. Here, he is repeatedly filling cups with water and then dumping them on Grampa. (photo courtesy of Crazy Grandma) Oh, lots of fun! When Mommy returned, things changed. The first day with me, when he balked at entering the water, I said to him "If I'm getting in the water, you are getting in the water!" and I hauled him in. That was the end of his protests.

On the last day of class, they let the kids go down the water slide. Since I have two kids under the height requirement, the Man joined us for the day, even taking the Boy to his class so I could run a round like a crazy person with the camera. (Kristie - before you blow the lifeguard whistle at me, I promise I wasn't really running...)

So the Man and the Boy went down the water slide a couple times.

Then da Boo got to go...No, that's not me, I promise. It's the Boy's teacher, actually. We look soooo much alike, though.

I've already signed them up for another session of classes in a week. Gotta keep working on my tan before then...