Do you love me?

Now that I can dance!

Okay, just kidding...still can't dance. Although I do currently hold all the high scores on our "Just Dance" Wii game. Then again, I'm competing against an 8-, 5-, and 2-year-old.

Anywho...

I like cakes. Do you like cakes? Do you like my cakes? Well, then head on over to my buddy Debbie's blog, Cranberry Fries, and vote for your favorite cake! Some are inspired by books and others are just for fun. And since I'm all about fairness (please don't laugh out-loud), I won't even tell you which ones are mine so as to sway your votes.

Go on now...scoot!

(Comments off...go vote instead!)

Fight the Fat*

Yeah, so...I'm fat.

I've come to grips with it. And really, it isn't all that terrible. I don't get too cold in the winter because of all the added insulation. People usually avoid sitting right next to me on airplanes so I get extra elbow room. And our waiter never forgets to bring around the dessert tray. Being fat ain't all that bad.

But then again, I own a mirror.

I'm trying to be better. I have since dropped my addiction to Nutty Bars and switched to diet sodas (and usually only one a day). Even the Wii Fit and I are on speaking terms again. Progress with diet alone is s-l-o-w...so I gave in and started exercising.

I hate exercising.

I especially hate it when the kids are around and want to know why I'm breathing so loud, why I'm all sweaty, and whether or not what I'm doing is any fun.

No. No, it's not fun.

I have a few friends that are runners; even participating regularly in such insane endeavors as marathons. They rave about endorphins and sleek muscles, even about the thrill of the run. So I'd like to ask them: When does running become fun? At what point will I start looking forward to the pounding of pavement?

In my efforts at improved hawtness, I started the Couch-to-5k program. It boasts of taking a couch potato and turning them into a runner fit for a 5k. I would only have to work out three days a week and would be running the races in nine weeks. Easy enough. I even found a 5k that was close enough, supported a cause I believed in, and actually sounded like fun. Sweet.

At Week 3, I fizzled. It was just so hard. And not getting any easier. I dreaded getting on the treadmill. Dreaded it...almost to the point of crying.

So I stopped.

And I gained three pounds.

Now, I've started again. Back to Week 1.

Please tell how I can make it not suck this time around...I really don't want the Wii to yell at me...

* A direct quote from the Wii Fit. It totally hates me.

What I Learned On My Summer Vacation

We've had a busy summer! I can blame my lackluster posting on the events going down amongst the heat and bugs. While soaking in the family time, I managed to actually learn a few things along the way.


Mario Kart on the Wii is really, really fun. Driving a real cart is even better! (Unless, of course, a younger cousin gets in the way...don't worry, he was fine!)

Kansas consists of sunflowers, cornfields, humidity, and bugs. Mostly the bugs.


Grandmas have magical abilities but Great-Grandma is even more beguiling, capable of soothing multiple babies at once.

Most of my cute tops require a shirt underneath (so I'm not scaring young children when I lean over). But layered shirts and high humidity are not friends. In fact, they pretty much hate each other and will make life miserable for anyone who dares to combine them.

Young boys would much rather sleep in a cave consisting of couch cushions and a table than share the pull-out sofa with their sister.

When visiting your cousins, you might discover you failed to pack an essential item: lipgloss. No worries, my Boo. Butter makes an excellent substitute. (And pay no attention to the odd looks you get from the other diners and wait staff...they're just envious that they didn't think of it first!)

(Baby + dumdum sucker)carseat = Impossibly Sticky Mess. I'm just glad she wasn't wearing white.

It's never too early to introduce your offspring to the finer things in life, like expensive cheese, trips to exotic locales, and massage chairs. Baby stayed in this chair for a solid hour, which is quite the feat when she's not asleep.

There you have it! Now you, too, can benefit from my knowledge and save yourself the two-day-one-way trip in a van with three small children. It's been a couple weeks since we've returned and I still haven't recovered...of course, it might help if I actually finished unpacking.

What did you learn this summer?

And if you haven't already done so, enter to win a $25 gift certificate!

There's just no pleasing him

This weekend, I made a birthday cake for a kid entering his teens years. He's quite the gamer and the kids are just as obsessed, so I suggested a Wii Remote.

Friday, I decorated the cake while simultaneously watching Ocean's Thirteen with the Man. The next morning, I showed it to the kids.

Me: What do you think?

Boo: Hey, that's pretty cool, Mom!

Boy: There's no A button.

Me: Doh!

Sure enough, the main button you push while playing games on the Boy's most beloved past time was missing. Apparently, I had been distracted by the movie enough to not actually finish the cake. I had plenty of time, so I set to work. A little while later, I called the kids back into the kitchen.

I also added the front black window and the port for the nunchuk in the back. I couldn't add everything, obviously. There's no actual nunchuck to plug in. Since the cake is solid, there's no trigger button on the underside.

Me: What do you think?

Boo: Wow! That's the coolest cake ever!

Boy: ...

Me: Do you like it, Boy?

Boy: There's no B button.

Me: Yeah, sorry.

Boy: Where the nunchuk?

The Wii Gossips - Redux

**I may or may not be out of town currently...but if I am out of town, be assured that my house and property is protected by rabid dust bunnies. So you don't get too lonely, I'll be reposting a few of my favorites. This post originally appeared Oct 8, 2008.**


So you might be surprised to learn that we have a Wii. I never mentioned it before, right? And normally, we love it. The kids can play a lot of the games without constant assistance and not every game involves shooting someone. Ours was a house of harmony. And then we got the Wii Fit.

At first, it seemed harmless enough, encouraging us toward our weight goals and only briefly mentioning that we were so uncoordinated, it wasn't sure how we managed to walk safely. Whenever one of us would log in to play a few balance games, the Wii would ask us if we'd seen one of the other members of our family. Then it would casually remark that the family member had not logged in for a while...but that was no big deal. And really, conversations with the Wii are one-sided. The only response you can make is pressing the A button. No defending yourself, no explanations. Just press A.

One afternoon, the Wii had the following conversation with my daughter (I know because I was sitting on the couch, watching, and possibly eating a Nutty Bar). And the Wii is the one that changes the color of the text...not me and my snotty attitude.

Wii: Welcome back, Da Boo!
Boo: A
Wii: Have you seen Jess recently?
Boo: A
Wii: I haven't seen Jess in six days.
Boo: A
Wii: How is Jess looking these days?
(Then it gave Boo the rare option of an actual response. The choices were: looks bigger, looks smaller, looks more toned, looks the same.)
Boo: looks the same.
Wii: Really? Well...I guess that is possible.
Boo: A
Wii: Maybe you just haven't been paying enough attention.

WHAT??? SIX DAYS, people! I hadn't been on the thing for six days and it's already calling me lazy and - quite possibly - fat. And don't think I haven't noticed that it gasps every time I step on. The Wii is such a skinny punk.

Then again, just before my birthday, it reminded all the members of the family that my birthday was coming, asked them if they'd gotten me a gift yet and suggested they plan a surprise party. So it's not all bad.

Still...machines shouldn't be allowed to talk smack about you to your kids.

Showing The Wii Who's The Boss...Or Not

I'm beginning to wonder why we got the Wii Fit. Besides it talking trash about me to my kids, it really hasn't helped me with my weight-loss goals and has quite possibly ruined my self-image.

While pregnant, I was repeatedly subjected to the Wii Fit's veiled insults as I continued to gain weight. It would ask me why I thought I was putting on the pounds in spite of it's best efforts to slenderize me, but "Creating A New Life Within Me" was not an option it offered. I had to choose from "Late Night Snacking" or "Portion Size" instead, then read it's lecture on my presumed bad habits before continuing on. Once I had Baby, I was looking forward to shocking the Wii into silence with my amazing weight loss.

I did a Body Test when Baby was one week old. I only lost 4.4 pounds. WHAT?!? Baby weighed more than that! Maybe it was all that pudding I ate in the hospital...

Then, just before the New Year, I weighed myself again. This time? Almost 14 pounds. Yes! But was the Wii impressed? Nope. It merely said that I was progressing at a good pace and then suggested I use the Balance games so I wasn't quite so uncoordinated. I swear, that thing is never happy. Kinda reminds me of a high school math teacher I had...

The Wii Gossips

So you might be surprised to learn that we have a Wii. I never mentioned it before, right? And normally, we love it. The kids can play a lot of the games without constant assistance and not every game involves shooting someone. Ours was a house of harmony. And then we got the Wii Fit.

At first, it seemed harmless enough, encouraging us toward our weight goals and only briefly mentioning that we were so uncoordinated, it wasn't sure how we managed to walk safely. Whenever one of us would log in to play a few balance games, the Wii would ask us if we'd seen one of the other members of our family. Then it would casually remark that the family member had not logged in for a while...but that was no big deal. And really, conversations with the Wii are one-sided. The only response you can make is pressing the A button. No defending yourself, no explanations. Just press A.

One afternoon, the Wii had the following conversation with my daughter (I know because I was sitting on the couch, watching, and possibly eating a Nutty Bar). And the Wii is the one that changes the color of the text...not me and my snotty attitude.

Wii: Welcome back, Da Boo!
Boo: A
Wii: Have you seen Jess recently?
Boo: A
Wii: I haven't seen Jess in six days.
Boo: A
Wii: How is Jess looking these days?
(Then it gave Boo the rare option of an actual response. The choices were: looks bigger, looks smaller, looks more toned, looks the same.)
Boo: looks the same.
Wii: Really? Well...I guess that is possible.
Boo: A
Wii: Maybe you just haven't been paying enough attention.

WHAT??? SIX DAYS, people! I hadn't been on the thing for six days and it's already calling me lazy and - quite possibly - fat. And don't think I haven't noticed that it gasps every time I step on. The Wii is such a skinny punk.

Then again, just before my birthday, it reminded all the members of the family that my birthday was coming, asked them if they'd gotten me a gift yet and suggested they plan a surprise party. So it's not all bad.

Still...machines shouldn't be allowed to talk smack about you to your kids.

Roll Over, I'm Squooshed!

Remember that song? "Five little kids, sleeping in the bed and the little one said 'Roll over, I'm squooshed/smashed/squashed/suffocating on your B.O.!' So they all rolled over and one fell off. Four little kids, sleeping in the bed..."

We are currently sleeping with four in our bed. It's a queen-sized so you'd think there'd be room but...not so much. Before our current situation, I would joke with the Man that really we only need a twin bed because he manages to sleep on my side, anyway. Now I am thinking we might just need separate rooms to solve the problem.

Maybe you don't know this, but I am pregnant. What you also might not know is that I am a...curvaceous woman. There's a whole lot of me to love. Just ask the Wii Fit. It's gets plenty angry at me for gaining weight. It's rather opinionated for being a machine. But I digress...

So there's me, the Man and the Baby all trying to share the same bed. Normally, not an issue. We've done this twice before. With da Boo, anytime the Man got near my belly, she'd kick him so that opened up more space. And the Boy, well, he never stopped kicking so again, space not an issue. This baby is more reserved. If she thinks you are paying attention to her, she immediately stops moving. The Man doesn't get thumped in the gut so he scoots over to my side.

Things are already a little crowded. Then comes George. George has been with us since before I had the Boy and frankly, I cannot imagine life without him. The Man resents George's presence and is always trying to pull him out of our bed but I insist. I must have George or I can't sleep. The Man simply doesn't understand our complex feelings.


This is George. He's a body pillow (and no, I am not a huge fan of Coca-Cola, although I do enjoy some of their products. This happened to be the only pattern available when I finally broke down and got one). He's what makes my sciatic nerve feel all better when I try to sleep during pregnancy (numb legs are not comfortable, neither is crippling lower back pain). So my poor, reproducing body can rest properly, George must be positioned between me and The Man.

Therefore, we are getting a little crowded.