The Wii Gossips - Redux

**I may or may not be out of town currently...but if I am out of town, be assured that my house and property is protected by rabid dust bunnies. So you don't get too lonely, I'll be reposting a few of my favorites. This post originally appeared Oct 8, 2008.**


So you might be surprised to learn that we have a Wii. I never mentioned it before, right? And normally, we love it. The kids can play a lot of the games without constant assistance and not every game involves shooting someone. Ours was a house of harmony. And then we got the Wii Fit.

At first, it seemed harmless enough, encouraging us toward our weight goals and only briefly mentioning that we were so uncoordinated, it wasn't sure how we managed to walk safely. Whenever one of us would log in to play a few balance games, the Wii would ask us if we'd seen one of the other members of our family. Then it would casually remark that the family member had not logged in for a while...but that was no big deal. And really, conversations with the Wii are one-sided. The only response you can make is pressing the A button. No defending yourself, no explanations. Just press A.

One afternoon, the Wii had the following conversation with my daughter (I know because I was sitting on the couch, watching, and possibly eating a Nutty Bar). And the Wii is the one that changes the color of the text...not me and my snotty attitude.

Wii: Welcome back, Da Boo!
Boo: A
Wii: Have you seen Jess recently?
Boo: A
Wii: I haven't seen Jess in six days.
Boo: A
Wii: How is Jess looking these days?
(Then it gave Boo the rare option of an actual response. The choices were: looks bigger, looks smaller, looks more toned, looks the same.)
Boo: looks the same.
Wii: Really? Well...I guess that is possible.
Boo: A
Wii: Maybe you just haven't been paying enough attention.

WHAT??? SIX DAYS, people! I hadn't been on the thing for six days and it's already calling me lazy and - quite possibly - fat. And don't think I haven't noticed that it gasps every time I step on. The Wii is such a skinny punk.

Then again, just before my birthday, it reminded all the members of the family that my birthday was coming, asked them if they'd gotten me a gift yet and suggested they plan a surprise party. So it's not all bad.

Still...machines shouldn't be allowed to talk smack about you to your kids.