"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Stairs for Dummies

Apparently, I have a problem. I cannot handle stairs. You'd think this was a skill I should have picked up while still in diapers. I guess not.

A while ago, I fell down the stairs. A few days later, I did it again. But my klutzhood is not limited to the episodes in our fair country. Oh, of course not. I even blogged about a most spectacular fall I took while touring London. This utter lack of coordination took place at the British Library while attending an exhibit. And so I wrote about it because I have no shame. Time passed, I forgot all about it - which is probably why I continue to attempt stairs, because I forget I keep falling.

Then I installed Google Analytics. I noticed an interesting source of traffic to my site and looked in to it. Turns out that someone over at the British Library regularly searches the Internet for references to their collections and exhibits, then features a little snippet of the posts on their site. They found my self-effacing blog post. The description of my display of stair-bungling is a few paragraphs down into the recounting of the visit. But the British Library thought it significant enough to use those few sentences as the blog "cutting" featured on their site for all visitors to read and laugh themselves out of their chairs. "Those stupid, clumsy Americans!"

So yesterday, I did it again but in an amazingly spectacular gravity-defying feat: I fell up the stairs. And I caught myself with my right shoulder. Yeah, that's the shoulder that's metal. And out of socket. And a great source of embarrassment whenever I am forced to go through airport security. It hurt. I mean it really hurt. The Man had to send da Boo to the other room so she wouldn't freak out because I was crying. But I sucked it up and decorated a cake for a party that I went to that night (pictures coming!). Then this morning...oh the agony! I cannot describe how it felt without using Daddy Words. But still, I can handle a little pain, right? No big deal! I've dealt with this almost half my life. So I got the kids ready and we went to church. The Man is very astute and knew right away that I was hurting. He drove me home after sacrament, gave me some lovely drugs and sent me to bed with an ice pack.

Drugs make me loopy. They give me weird dreams about yelling at people. If you called me this morning, I apologize for anything I might have said. Please call me back and I promise to behave. I am fine now. Well, still hurting but fine.


Amanda said...

you POOR thing:( I am glad that you have such a caring man:) do your stairs have narrow steps? Molly's do and she has fallen down her stairs many times!

Kristie said...

Ouch!!!! I am SOOOOO sorry!! I hope that you get to feeling better soon. That was way cool about the link to your blog. I checked it out and loved it!!!! Can't wait to see the cake.

Emma said...

I am sorry you hurt your shoulder. Maybe you need to install an escalator in your house, the kids would love it! Heehee

Jill said...

So sorry to hear of your injury.
I remember falling on the stairs quite a bit when I was younger. My ballet teacher told us that falling up the stairs means that you are graceful. Judging from the bruises on my chins, I was pretty darn graceful.
(Only now does it occur to me that she may have been a bit sarcastic in her comments......)
Hope you get feeling better:0)

Debi said...

Very sorry you got hurt on your bad shoulder and very sorry about your falling habits, but it IS very cool about their using your comments on the British Library website. I am guessing they didn't ask your permission since you mention the tracking as the way you found out. I went over and took a look....neat!

Heather said...

I just watched the Sarah Connor Chronicles and I think of you every week being all metallic and such.

Very cool.

Jessica G. said...

And I totally look like her, too. Underneath this layer of fat, I am smoking hot. And metal.

Lindsay said...

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who falls down stairs. I actually fell on some rocks on my first date with Ryan. Oh and the time we were in Switzerland...fell down the stairs and twisted BOTH ankles. I have had my share of embarrassing moments while dealing with gravity! Hope your shoulder is feeling better soon!

Jan said...

I am so sorry but I am laughing my head off. Not about the falling but your writing tickled me silly. The dreams about yelling at people about put me on the floor. I am a clutz too. I actually fell down the stairs and about tore my ear off. They had to stitch it back on. Falling up the stairs. New concept, but sorry it had to happen. Glad your okay.

elesa said...

I am always happy to meet another stair challenged person. But you wrote about it so well. It almost makes me proud of my disability!

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