And Knowing Is Half The Battle

While the Co-ed was staying with us before school started, we decided one night that we would run away and see a movie. Our local theater is nearly deserted on the weekdays. Along with nine other people, we saw "G.I. Joe." It was almost a date, but the Man didn't open the car door for me so he doesn't get credit.



Here are some random thoughts/reactions to the movie:

• This movie would have been completely ruined for me if they didn't work in certain phrases like "and knowing is half the battle," "Go Joe!", "real American heroes," and kung-fu grip. It had 'em all!
• Why do all really bad guys have creepy voices? Seriously. Name one really, truly bad guy that doesn't have a voice that makes your skin crawl...
  
• Why is it that if a woman is young, attractive, aloof, yet skilled in all manner of bad-assery, she must fall in love with one of the male leads? Can't she be happy with the fact that she can tell him where to go in six different languages if he gets fresh? Yet romance is practically a given. "Uh oh. She's slightly hostile toward him and yet she looks hot while saving his butt from the bad guys...they are totally hooking up."
• Did the actor that played Snake Eyes get less money because he didn't have any lines? The guy doesn't even grunt!
  
• Didn't Scarlet have a Southern accent?
  
• When someone asks "You and what army?" and then you actually have an army to back you up, it's just not as cool as it sounds.

What is this?

I've noticed these objects all around town...attached to fences or poles like this one. But what are they? What do they do?


Since I don't know what they are, I let my anxiety go all wacko over their potential purposes. No, really...it's fun! For instance, they could be detection devices, that record passersby identity by reading the microchip that we were all implanted with when we thought we were getting a vaccine (thank you X-Files!). Or maybe they are detection devices but they're looking for people listening to bad music...that's why your favorite song goes fuzzy on the radio...they're trying to protect you from yourself. Or perhaps it's not a detector, but a beacon, letting the circling alien mother ships know they have successfully assimilated themselves into our world and are awaiting further instructions. But it could be nothing at all like that. In fact, this could very well be just like a geocache, but instead of using multi-million-dollar satellites to find tupperware hidden in the woods, you get points for placing these in the most random locations.

And if you don't know what it is, take a guess!

I Love the Smell of Bus Exhaust in the Morning

I'm only a week late posting the First Day of School pictures. I'm sure you've been on the edge of your computer chair, staring at your Google Reader, just waiting for this very update.

Or you are mostly likely thinking "It's a good thing she posted...I was about to stop following this blog."

Boo picked her outfit for the first day of school.


It consisted of her new "scratch n' sniff" shirt (kinda smells like frosting but mostly like cotton t-shirt) and a new black skirt. She picked her new black shoes because the insides have a leopard print. Also, Boo insisted on having the Co-ed fix her hair. Hey, I know I'm not the best at fixing her hair but my pigtails aren't lopsided anymore! Her hair did turn out pretty cute. Might have to have the Co-ed fix mine, next time.


And here she is with her best buddy, J. And that's not me forgetting everything about the angle of the sun from my photojournalism class...it's J's sparkling personality. No, really! It is! Would I try to deceive you? Boo reminds me nearly daily that they are getting married. Fine with me. His parents are pretty awesome (and I'm not just saying that because his mom reads my blog). See all the other moms taking pictures from the correct angle? They must have blogs, too.


The big moment! Getting on the bus! The kid behind her almost had to give her a boost. She's smaller than most of the kindergartners...but she's not short. She's "fun-sized!" See the backpack? Cute, right? While this year's search wasn't quite the saga we had last year, she still had the hardest time picking one that a) I was willing to pay for and b) wasn't white. This one I brought home from a shopping trip. I think I am going to do that in the future...far less drama that way. And if it's one thing we could use around here, it is LESS drama!

Thanking My Married Stars

I got this in an email from a friend. There are different back-stories attached to it; some from Canada, some from Australia. But apparently this guy was hitting on a woman when she was out with her friends. She ends up giving him her business card. He calls her twice. And then he gives me a much greater appreciation for no longer being single...



Favorite lines:
"Call me when you get the courage."
"If you've got issues, any psychological issues...I'm not interested. But if you're psychologically normal..."

So Good To See You!

Have you ever had one of those moments when someone comes up to you, all huggy and smiley and "Soooo good to see you!" and stuff? And you hug and smile and say "Wow, it's been too long!" right back?

Only, you have no clue who they are?

That happened to me tonight. Standing there, her face wasn't ringing any bells even after five minutes of conversation. I was waiting for the punchline. But she knew things about me, like Baby's name and where I lived. Started me thinking that maybe last year's stalker made good on those threats to find my house and now she is following me around town...

Report

So last night's activity...well, it had it's highs and it's lows.

Things that were GOOD:

• My committee all showed all, had all their assignments fulfilled and then some. They are FANTASTIC! Thanks, everyone!
• The food - 6 foot sandwiches from Wal-mart - was surprisingly good. And they gave us waaaaaay too much. Sent home boxes of sandwiches with people, along with jars of mustard and mayo.
  
• Ward members brought lots of goodies (most of the dessert were chocolate!). I even got a slice of some excellent chocolate cake.
• Strawberry lemonade was a huge hit and we went through the huge spigot cooler twice.
• Great turn out! Lots of people came, including some I don't see at church all that often.
• Plenty of good conversation. There was so much talking, in fact, that I had to get my SWAT team buddy to use his deafening whistle so I could get everyone's attention when I needed to make an announcement.
• No one was injured or in any way made to bleed.
  
• No one told me (or said within earshot of me) that it was lousy.
• Currently, there are no pending lawsuits or people having lost their faith in God as a result of last night's events.
  

Things that were BAD, BAD, BAD:

• It rained.
• It rained A LOT.
• There was lightning.
• The pool closed.
• The pool did not reopen.
• Children cried.

**Thanks to those who have emailed me suggestions for future activities! Really good stuff! Now, tell me the things that did not go over well so I know what to avoid...

Desserts Spelled Backwards

So a couple months ago, I got a new assignment at church ('calling' for you Mormon-types). I went from planning twice-monthly activities for 8 and 9 year old girls to planning quarterly parties for the entire congregation. This makes me more than a little freaked out.

At first, I thought "Hey, cool! I like parties! And I like spending someone else's money to plan them! No sweat!" Yeah. Not quite feeling that now. The first party that I've "planned" is tomorrow night. It's a pool party. The local pool is reserved, the picnic area scheduled, food ordered, and other assignments made. Should be no problem, right?

If you live in Utah County and happened to look outside this afternoon, then you might understand why I am started to grind my teeth. Wind, rain and chilly temperatures are only fun if I'm having a chili cook-off...indoors.

And then there's the anxiety. What if no one wants to get in the pool? What if some does get in, but then poops in it, shutting the whole thing down for the rest of the night? What if hardly anyone shows up? (I'm having flashbacks to when they asked me to organize a playdate and the only people who came were my friends...) What if the food is bad? What if half the ward gets food poisoning or the swine flu? What if by the time I make it to the dessert table, all the chocolate is gone? What if the only people who remember to bring a dessert are the health fanatics and everyone is fighting over a single plate of whole-grain tofu bars?

Deep breath.

I might spend most of the evening hiding under the drink station, in a fetal position, sucking on my hair and humming the tune to "Somewhere in Time."

Please give me some stressful relief tips...or, lacking any of those, some more creative things to freak out about!

Brainwashed

Along with the phrases that are banned at our house, I thought it was only fair that I tell you the phrases that I make my kids say. There's "thank you" and "I'm sorry," of course. I never make my kids say "I love you" but they are very spontaneous about it and will say it anytime, any place. Including in the very crowded public restroom at Target. I just inspire that sort of devotion, I guess.

One thing I insist on is the way they must ask "please." Da Boo started this when she was very young. She has since indoctrinated the Boy. I suspect that Baby will be the same way, once she gets past coos and blowing raspberries as her main forms of communication.

Example...
Boo: Can I have a cookie?
Me: What do you say?
Boo: Please?
Me: Please, what?
(and keep in mind, I was originally asking her to repeat her question, as "Can I have a cookie, please?")
Boo: Please, oh most beautiful of the Mommas?

Now, who can say no to that?

Banned

There are a few phrases that are not permitted in my house. Along with the usual suspects, the kids aren't allowed to call people "dumb" or "stupid." You can call the Wii stupid or your wrong-side-out-mega-frustrating pajamas dumb, but you cannot call a person that (or the fish because they can cry, too). "Crap" is no longer welcome, although it slips out more than I'd like to admit, but it's just not cool when your little boy, while trying to shake hands with the bishop at church, accidentally drops his paper from Sunday School, immediately followed by him exclaiming "Oh my freaking crap!" (True story.)

New item on the banned list? Saying "Awwwwww!" And I'm not talking about the "Awwww, Baby is so stinking adorable!" (because really, she is) I mean the nasal-toned "Awwww...I don't wanna wash my hands!" That one. While as a parent, the whine-manifested-into-speech never had much convincing power, my kids have used it so often that it has become a knee-jerk reaction whenever I ask them to do something even mildly unpleasant. Here are some examples from recent days:

Me: Boy, you need to get your shoes on-
Boy: Awwwwwwwww!
Me: -so you can go play at your best buddy's house.
Boy: Awesome!

Me: Hey kids, time to turn off the Wii-
Kids: AWWWWWWWW! (in unison, no less)
Me: -because we're going to Krispy Kreme.
Kids: Oh. Okay!

So if I were to keep track of Things That Are Dead To Me, the phrase "Awwwwww!" would make the short list. Along with white chocolate. And Sponge Bob Squarepants (he's the one except to the "stupid" rule).

What phrases are banned at your house?

Open Letters To People At The Pool

Dear smokin' hot mom in the bikini,

You are gorgeous. Your four kids are adorable, too. After all you've done, you deserve to wear that bikini and wear it well.

But that strand of bling hanging from your bellybutton? Now, that's just rubbing it in.

Sincerely,
Chubby lady who is gonna go hide in the deep end.

__________


Dear Male Population,

I'd like to send out a collective, but none-the-less enthusiastic, THANK YOU for just saying No to Speedos. I didn't see a single one in our many forays into aquatic pastimes.

You guys are awesome!

Sincerely,
Mom who doesn't want to explain some things to her young children just yet...

__________


Dear Baby,

Seriously, kid...the pouting has got to stop. You floated around in liquid for nine months, surely you can tolerate one hour.

Sincerely,
Your mother who is beginning to think that you madly clinging to me in the pool is not quite as adorable as it once was

__________


Dear Facebook,

Darn you, Facebook! Darn you and all your long-lost connections, addictive games, and silly quizzes! If it weren't for you, I would have spent more time at the pool.

Sincerely,
Someone who really needs a tan