"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan

Monday, August 3, 2009

Open Letters To People At The Pool

Dear smokin' hot mom in the bikini,

You are gorgeous. Your four kids are adorable, too. After all you've done, you deserve to wear that bikini and wear it well.

But that strand of bling hanging from your bellybutton? Now, that's just rubbing it in.

Sincerely,
Chubby lady who is gonna go hide in the deep end.

__________


Dear Male Population,

I'd like to send out a collective, but none-the-less enthusiastic, THANK YOU for just saying No to Speedos. I didn't see a single one in our many forays into aquatic pastimes.

You guys are awesome!

Sincerely,
Mom who doesn't want to explain some things to her young children just yet...

__________


Dear Baby,

Seriously, kid...the pouting has got to stop. You floated around in liquid for nine months, surely you can tolerate one hour.

Sincerely,
Your mother who is beginning to think that you madly clinging to me in the pool is not quite as adorable as it once was

__________


Dear Facebook,

Darn you, Facebook! Darn you and all your long-lost connections, addictive games, and silly quizzes! If it weren't for you, I would have spent more time at the pool.

Sincerely,
Someone who really needs a tan

13 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I need to spend more time at the pool. Maybe I can make a Snuggie swimsuit!

Riddle Girl said...

LOVE THIS POST!!!
But this comment comes from a chubby mom who now wears board shorts with her suits...All those smokin moms in bikini's-They have had work done or have trainers.
(Or at least that is what I tell myself!!!)

The Garretts said...

LOL! Amen Sista. That is so funny and you totally nailed it. Luv it.

Diane said...

Oops! Sorry! I usually take out the belly ring when I go to the pool. It's such a pain because it snags on everything!

Chris said...

Belly bling is trashy. Ugh gross

Nat said...

Ha ha ha!

I had to break up with Facebook a few months ago. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be!

Popcorn House said...

Am I the only person who tells myself that "those moms" are actually nannies? I can handle that MUCH better! I mean four kids and a belly ring???? Tummy tuck or a nanny!

Love this post....I seriously LOL!

Erin said...

I love these letters. That first one to the smokin' hot mom was hilarious!

Me said...

*clap* *clap* Well said..all the way around!

Bonnie the Boss said...

Well said! I enjoyed this post! thanks! I hate the smokin' hot mommies! I know that is shallow and mean, but I do!

Mary said...

I second your guy & facebook remarks!!! I really think that all speedos should be burned...they burned bras in the 70s, we could make it a new part of 2000s!

Fahrenheit 350° said...

That is pretty darn cute, and a little bit sad. I wish the bikini letter was to me, but it's not. I haven't dared go to the pool in years!

Fahrenheit 350° said...

And Happy Saturday SITS Sharefest!

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