Open Letters To People At The Pool

Dear smokin' hot mom in the bikini,

You are gorgeous. Your four kids are adorable, too. After all you've done, you deserve to wear that bikini and wear it well.

But that strand of bling hanging from your bellybutton? Now, that's just rubbing it in.

Sincerely,
Chubby lady who is gonna go hide in the deep end.

__________


Dear Male Population,

I'd like to send out a collective, but none-the-less enthusiastic, THANK YOU for just saying No to Speedos. I didn't see a single one in our many forays into aquatic pastimes.

You guys are awesome!

Sincerely,
Mom who doesn't want to explain some things to her young children just yet...

__________


Dear Baby,

Seriously, kid...the pouting has got to stop. You floated around in liquid for nine months, surely you can tolerate one hour.

Sincerely,
Your mother who is beginning to think that you madly clinging to me in the pool is not quite as adorable as it once was

__________


Dear Facebook,

Darn you, Facebook! Darn you and all your long-lost connections, addictive games, and silly quizzes! If it weren't for you, I would have spent more time at the pool.

Sincerely,
Someone who really needs a tan