"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan

Friday, June 13, 2008

We Have Gnomes

The Man knows all about the gnomes but every time I mention them, I get his famous eye-rolling. He doesn't believe me. That's because they don't bother him, just me. See, the gnomes like to take stuff, important stuff, stuff that I need and will tear the house apart trying to find. They take this stuff, hide it for a little while, waiting until I am near tears or the Man has joined in the hunt, then they put the stuff right there in plain sight. I could have checked that exact spot four times already, doesn't matter. The gnomes just love to torture me.

The first time the gnomes struck was shortly before our first child came along. I had some favorite pieces of jewelry: a necklace from Hawaii and a pair of blue rhinestone earrings. I wouldn't necessarily wear these items together but I cherished them both. Then the earrings disappeared from my jewelry box. Gone. I hadn't worn them in a while and when I went to put them on, they were no where to be found. I thought it odd but just picked another pair. Soon after, the necklace was gone. Now, I wore this necklace nearly everyday so it had it's own little designated spot in my jewelry box...but that space was empty.

I looked everywhere: in purses, pockets, random drawers, nightstand...anywhere that I might have taken off my necklace and tucked it away. Nothing. That's when I remembered the earrings were gone, too. And I knew: the gnomes had taken them! They were watching me search from their secret hideouts, tittering away into their long white beards as they draped my beloved necklace around themselves. Those little punks...are they wannabe cross dressers and steal my jewelry to dress up in?

Finally, the Man, joins the hunt. But he looks in man places, like on the entertainment center, by the computer and in the couch cushions. And guess what? He found them! The necklace and the earrings - which I didn't wear together - both wedged into the bottom couch cushions. I sputtered about stupid gnomes. The Man listened for a bit before rolling his eyes and resuming his position on the couch. Maybe it's because he doesn't believe in the gnomes that they don't pester him. But the gnomes have struck again! I had a necklace that was really colorful and long. I liked to wrap it around my wrist as a bracelet when wearing certain shirts. It disappeared. I chalked it up to my usual airheadedness, figuring it would reappear eventually. But months went by...I sorted and organized my wads of necklaces several times trying to find it. I even cleaned out the closet but no necklace (although I did find a missing pair of shoes and $27). Dang it!

Fast forward to last Thursday morning...I was getting dressed and picked out a shirt that I usually wore that necklace/bracelet with but alas, no jewelry. I was about to turn out the light in the bathroom, my wrist feeling far too exposed, when I saw it...no, not my lost jewelry, but a bone bead bracelet I bought at a craft fair last year. It was sitting in an old shoe box that had somehow made it's way to the top of my bathroom organizer-thingy. I picked up the bracelet, trying to remember the last time I'd seen it when there it was - my necklace! And about four other bracelets and necklaces, all slumped in a pile in the corner of this dusty box. Seeing that odd collection of mismatched jewelry, I knew...the gnomes! Seemed that they had gotten tired of waiting for me to freak out over those missing pieces and just dumped them all together. So maybe I'm not that big an airhead after all!

What do the gnomes hide in your house?
Anyone know where I can find gnomes traps?
P.S.
I am actually in California, using a previously-written post. Before that, I was on vacation in South Dakota and the Co-ed was posting my stuff for me. Unfortunately, we received some terrible news while touring Mount Rushmore. The Man's grandfather passed away Sunday evening. We left our chilly vacation and headed to sunny California for the funeral. I will try and post (and respond to questions!) when I get back. This is a difficult funeral as my little family loved Grampa very much. And my mascara is sooooo not waterproof.

11 comments:

The Slothower Family said...

I hate the gnomes. They are always taking Kalani's hat. There is no way that he would lose it. You have seen his head if he doesn't wear a hat, it goes bright red (that rhymed hehe). I'm sorry for your loss, let my know if there is anything I can do for you.

Amanda said...

I am so sorry to hear about the man's grandpa.......

Jan said...

Really sorry Jessica. I know how you are feeling right now. I truly do..

BkenneyBme said...

I'm sorry to hear about Grandpa Jessica. I hope you guys enjoyed South Dakota while you were there.

Emily said...

We have Pixes, wood sprites, fairies... the girls room is infested with goblins!
Any one who doesn't believe in them is just in denial, the poor dears. Just speak kindly and slowly, one day they will realize the place is crawling with brownies!

I'm sorry Grandpa has gone now.
I'll keep watching your girl while your gone, but you will be very surprised (not in a exciting way I'm afraid) when you get back.

I was going to ask if you had a chance to see Crazy Horse, but seems your trip was short :(

Love ya like a sister!

Kenney Crew said...

I'm glad to say that I don't have gnomes, but I have my man, 3 kids, and a sock monster in my dryer, so things still disappear. Todd and the kids seem to think that we have a bunch of magical house fairies who go around and clean everything up...but I don't ever see them when I'm scrubbing the toilets.

Sorry to hear about Q's grandpa, that's sad news. You're a braver woman than I am, I wouldn't have even bothered with the mascara. Give everyone hugs from us.

Kristie said...

I'm sorry to hear about the man's grandpa. I enjoyed the gnome post. :)

Tausha said...

So sorry about grandpa. I'll pray for you and your family that you will be blessed with peace. Death is hard no matter when it happens. My heart aches for you. Be safe.

Nat said...

Our gnomes eat the strawberries, peas and tomatoes in the garden. I caught one once, and he looked a lot like my little boy!!

I'm sorry for your loss. That is so sad. You reminded me of when my grandpa died and you helped me deal with that. I don't think I ever thanked you for that. Thanks, and I hope you and your family will find peace.

Kelly said...

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I will keep you guys in my prayers.
As for the gnomes, they like to hide my chapstick and Kyla's socks. I swear he is in the dryer and pulls one sock out of every load. At least he is consistant.

Rupper Family said...

I told my daughter that there's a monster in her nose who'll eat her finger if she puts it in there, I do think there are other creatures around as well, mine seem to leave crap lying aroung though instead of stealing and hiding it. I'd prefer the latter-less for me to pick up, even if I do come up missing stuff!

I'm sorry about your sad news and your long long drive as well.

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