Admitting to my defects and faults is not an easy thing to do. Not because I embarrass easily but because I simply don't have many of them. In an effort to relate to those less awesome than myself, I will share one with you here.
I had a great childhood. Sure, there's enough interesting material to fill a therapist's notebook, but really? It was great! Lots of fond memories, inside jokes, and blackmail against my siblings. I never really thought about what was lacking or what opportunities I missed out on during those years. It wasn't until my young son, in his innocence, asked me for assistance and I discovered that I just could not help.
"Mom? Can you teach me how to whistle?"
No, I couldn't. Because I never learned how to whistle.
The sound of whistling was highly annoying to my mother. Therefore, it wasn't allowed in the house. I was far too busy running around outside, using hangers as make-believe bows shooting invisible arrows, to really notice that something was missing, that a core skill would be left vacant as I moved into my teen years. Of course, as a female, it wasn't necessary to master the ability to issue a recognizable "wolf whistle" on demand. So I was still ignorant.
It wasn't until I was an adult, placed in a leadership role where I was tasked with conducting large gatherings that I realized my skills in getting everyone's attention were lacking. I had to rely on others to supply that musically ear-splitting breath.
And still…I can't manage to whistle even the slightest tune. Every now and then, I get tones that don't sound like I'm slowly choking to death and I have to pretend like I'm not surprised. I can touch my tongue to my nose, roll it into a taco shape, unwrap a Starburst in my mouth, and I even used to be able to tie cherry stems into knots. But whistling? Nope. Can't do it.
It's a very good thing that my dog just needs to hear her name to come running back home. Or I don't live in New York and have to summon a taxi. Or that I don't need a ride from the legendary Shadowfax, Lord of the Horses*. Other than that, I will continue living my whistle-free life. I can only hope that my children don't suffer the same fate.
* - If you got that one, award yourself, 20 geek points!
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