Don't Step On My Cerulean-Hued, Non-Animal Skin Shoes!

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I've already admitted my utter lack of skill in the fashion department, especially when it comes to shoes. Nearly two years later, I haven't changed (although I now own a pair of adorable red heels!). Currently, I am on pair #6 of the same utilitarian black loafers because I wear them with everything. I'd rather stick with what works because by the time I join in on a trend, it's usually long over.

Honest, I really tried to care about shoes! I spent far too much money on an adorable pair of embroidered shoes that I had coveted (yes, coveted, as in "committing the sin of envy") for months. And? I've never worn them. I have a different pair of shoes that are nearly the same color that I opt for instead. Why? No idea. Maybe because the uglier shoes would give me better traction in case I have to run from zombies.

Then, in preparation for my cruise (which I never blogged about because I am a total slacker), I got two new pairs of shoes. Both are open-toed wedges, which I picked because I wanted heels ('cuz I'm short) but didn't want to wear stilettos on the beach. "Stuck" is not a good look. Now, the black pair has become my go-to shoe, taking the place of my trusty loafers. They are higher heels than I usually wear but they're just fun to walk in. I don't trip over my feet or stumble nearly as often as I do in heels. And? Random strangers give me compliments on them. For a chubby white lady who usually has had a kid smear something on her clothes which she then wears out in public because she hasn't noticed, compliments are pretty scarce.

So I stroll along, completing my errands in my cute shoes. I usually don't notice how much my feet hurt until I've been sitting down for a moment (a rare event with three kids to entertain during the summers months). But boy howdy, the shoes turn from pretty to painful after a couple hours. I tried inserts from Dr Scholl's but they won't stick to the shoes and keep flopping out. I found one in my daughter's doll house, being used as a carpet. I've decided that limping really takes the swing out of my swagger.

Also? There should be a law against gorgeous, tall, slim women being allowed to wear sky-high heels around us short, frumpy types. Even my Super Sexy Goddess boots just can't compare.