I Need A Theme Song

Okay, maybe this belongs on Friday Confessional, but I kinda wish I had a theme song. You know, some catchy little tune that would blare in the background on those rare occasions when I am totally awesome, maybe with some wind effects to blow my hair around. And fireworks. Or maybe a chocolate waterfall.

Apparently, I'm not the only one. (And just in case you've never heard of Annoying Orange, go here to watch the first episode. But don't show it to your kids or they will insist on watching all the videos instead of having family home evening.)

What is your theme song? And does it involve rainbows?

Wordless Wednesday: Happiness

(And yes, that is real five-pound bar of chocolate.)

Little Chocolatiers

Boo loves having friends over for play dates. She has some good friends at school but lately, most of the friends she's asking over are boys who want to play Wii games the entire time. Because she's pretty good at 'em and can teach them a couple new tricks. But I don't want them sitting in front of video games for two hours so I had to come up with something that's appealing to both genders.

First time around, I had the kids make brownies. It went great until they decided that stirring was hard work. Lumpy brownie batter makes for large lumps of unmixed flour and stuff in the finished product. I think Boo now has greater appreciation for my skill with carbs.

Next time a friend came over, I opted for something simpler: Rolo candy. Have you had these before? They are awesomeness in bite-size form. The Co-ed's BFF first taught me how to make them and they are uber easy.

Rolo Candy

Ingredients: Bag of pretzels, Rolo candy, pecan halves, semi-sweet chocolate chips (optional).

• Preheat oven to 300 degrees.
• Line cookie sheet with waxed paper.
• Unwrap all the Rolo candies.
• Place pretzels on waxed paper, leaving at least an inch between pieces (I've used the traditional twisted pretzels and these waffle-looking things; both worked fine). Use as many as you have Rolos to match.
• Center each Rolo on a pretzel.
• Place in oven for seven minutes.
• Remove from oven and let cool for a couple minutes (not too long - this is more to let the pan cool down than the chocolate).
• Squish a pecan firmly onto the candy, making sure you stay centered, but not so far down that the chocolate overlaps the pretzels.
• Melt chocolate chips in the microwave. Scoop into plastic baggie. Snip a small portion of the corner off. This makes your drizzle bag.
• Zigzag the melted chocolate over the pecan (or, if you are an 8-year-old, do whatever you want and make all kinds of shapes and pictures that no one except for you will recognize).
• Pop the tray into your freezer to harden up the chocolate before your kid's friend has to go home.

Because I Love You, Dang It!

Sorry this took me so long. Lots of pictures to go through. I really need to take a photography class...

This year for Valentine's Day I continued my masochistic tradition of serving a heart-shaped dinner. We've been stuck in a pizza rut for too long so this year I didn't give the family a chance to pick that again. Democracy is over-rated when I'm the one that has to do all the work.

Last year, I used heart-shaped cupcake liners to make individual cakes. They were cute so I put them to work again this year as liners for sloppy joe buns. I call these "sloppy kisses."

And I had to include pears.

These I soaked overnight in pear juice mixed with grenadine and red food coloring. Not only did they have a gorgeous red color but they had a spectacular taste. Probably could have heated them up, added a little chocolate syrup, and had dessert.

While I'm not exactly the salad eating type, we needed vegetables on the table. I briefly considered beets. Very briefly. I stuffed veggies into a heart-shaped bowl and called it good. Instead of Sprite with heart-shaped fruit juice, I made sparkling pink lemonade and used black cherry for the ice cubes. A little too much on the sweet side. When the ice cubes melted, the darker color stayed on the top and looked pretty cool. The jell-o was a big flop this year...I thought I had a good idea but was attempting to multi-task and that's just not smart for airheads.

And now for dessert. My favorite part.

Cupcake, heart strawberries with cream, and heart candies. I couldn't stop myself. The cupcake was really the star of the show. My pictures were horrible so go check out the site where I got the recipe for the magic: Bake it in a Cake. And yes, I made the Laffy Taffy frosting.

But I wasn't finished yet.

You might remember that the Boy is quite the picky eater, even turning up his nose at kid-staples such as mac n' cheese and pizza. Still, he couldn't escape my madness:

Heheheh...I am evil.

Wordless Wednesday: Favorite Book Characters

Chocoholics Meeting

Can't call it "Chocoholics Anonymous" because you guys know me. And since I have an computer genius for a husband, I know all of you (also because of Google Analytics). Have no fear. I shall only use my powers for good.

I call this meeting of the Chocoholics to order. Please swallow whatever scrumptious delight you are currently savoring and join me in reciting the Chocoholics pledge:

"We need chocolate, some creamy chocolate. Chocolate ice cream. Chocolate mousse. Some chocolate cheesecake. Bavarian chocolate. Bring on the chocolate. We need a boost!"*

Now, I understand that you and every good chocoholic out there is looking for new treasures and being the sharing kind, I can't keep this to myself. I'm picky with my chocolate and only reach for the Hershey's if there's nothing left in the house. Are you just as particular? Then try out Chocomize.com. They let you completely customize your chocolate, add in anything you'd like.

So as not to completely overwhelm you with their awesomeness, they offer a few favorites to sort of warm up your taste buds. I like the Candy Bar. It has milk chocolate, gummy bears, chocolate candy, and Nerds. Feeling the need for a little luxury? Add 23 carat gold flakes. The candy section is enough to send your eyes into a sugar frenzy. Perhaps you're a little on the nutty side? They've got 12 different kinds (well, if you count the Corn Nuts). Try your chocolate with a little cayenne pepper. Or bacon.

As if that wasn't amazing enough, they've got a Chocolate of the Month Club. Oh, the ecstasy!

Now, I'd adjourn this meeting properly but you've probably already clicked over or opened another browser window to take a peek. Not that I blame you, of course.

What would you put in your chocolate?

* I borrowed this from one of my favorite tunes from Buddy Wasisname.

** And I got the images from the Chocomize website. They are definitely not mine. Unless licking the screen image of them counts...

Friday Confessional #2

I Confess...

I have no fashion sense. Just one look at what I'm wearing will tell you that.

I buy outfits based on the mannequin or pictures, just so I'm sure things go together.

Even though I love watching Project Runway (so does the Man but don't tell him I told you), I rarely pick the right winning outfit. In fact, quite frequently, my favorites are amongst the "worst" according to the judges, with descriptions like "matronly," "boring," or "out-dated." Yep. That's pretty much me.

I recently purchased a new top and was all excited that it was green because I don't have many shirts that are green. But when I hung it up in my closet, I realized I had a nearly identical top in blue. No wonder I liked it so much.

And I really wish I had more shoes. I've tried! I go to shoe stores and try on some adorable pairs that go with absolutely nothing I own. Usually, they don't fit or I can't walk in them. Chubby ladies should not attempt stiletto heels. I think it might void my health insurance.

I'm beyond professional help. Not even my most fashionable friends can help because, honestly, clothes for fat ladies aren't that great. They either attempt to draw attention away from the huge buttocks and direct it to the plunging cleavage. Or they are in denial that a woman with my curves would have a muffin top. Honey, I gots me a whole lotta muffin.

I'm not color-blind, just fashion-blind.

Now go visit Mamarazzi, who is most fashionable and definitely not a jerk.

Wordless Wednesday: Protege

Top Ten Reasons Why It Rocks When Your Husband Is Out Of Town

Here's the second part of my "Top Ten" posts. Also a repost. Because I'm lazy and unimaginative.

Have to end this on a positive note, right?

1. Makeup, fixing my hair and clothes other than pajamas are optional. Bras, too.
   
2. The Man is not here to demand home cooking or dinners with nutritional value. Chocolate pudding is perfectly acceptable for lunch.
   
3. I don't have to watch any of "his" shows. The remote is all mine. Goodbye college sports; hello Doctor Who!
   
4. I don't have to share the blankets. And his pillow becomes community property.
   
5. Dishes only have to be done when we're using forks to eat our ice cream.
6. Costa Vida takes over my evening meals for me. I never get tired of their salads!
7. I can adjust the thermostat to whatever I want. He likes it at 68. I like higher. I win.
   
8. Casual get-togethers with friends go from "just for fun" status, to "absolutely necessary for my sanity" and therefore, make getting a babysitter a priority.
9. I don't feel guilty about updating my status on Facebook every couple of minutes after the kids go to bed because there isn't anyone waiting for me on the couch.
10. There's no one that can prove that I've eaten the rest of the brownies. The only other people in the house either can't count that high or aren't tall enough to see that there's a pan on the counter.

What is your favorite thing about having your hubby out of town?

Top Ten Reasons Why It Sucks When Your Husband Is Out Of Town

This is a repost from two years ago. The Man was recently out of town for two whole stinkin' weeks. I barely made it. My two main forms of survival came from a gift certificate to See's chocolates and a trip to the local Ikea.

Enjoy!

I'm not saying the Man really is out of town (because I'm paranoid enough, people) but if he were...these are the reasons why it would potentially suck. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

1. My feet are perpetually cold. There's no one to warm them up at night. No way am I wearing socks. Maybe we should rent a dog for when the Man isn't here to fulfill his duties.
2. I have to change all stinky diapers. Sure, Boo takes care of the wet one but the messy diapers are still a little too gross for her delicate constitution.
3. All trespassing spiders receive a stay of execution. So the spider in the bathroom gets to live trapped underneath that cup for a little while longer.
   
4. I have to get up when the kids do and get them breakfast. Usually, the Man feeds them and then heads off to work so I get to snooze a little while longer to catch up on the sleep I missed while spending "quality time" with Baby in the wee hours of the morning.
5. Bored, bored, bored. It's a good thing I joined Facebook or I'd have no idea what to do with all this empty time.
6. My panic attacks are going into overdrive, especially at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. Was that the heater turning on? Or was it a band of vicious burglars breaking down the garage door? Was that one of the kids coughing in their sleep? Or are they silently choking to death while I just lay here? Such happy thoughts...
7. There's no tag-team. And my split personality doesn't count.
8. I have to do all the Man Jobs. I got married so I wouldn't have to take out the trash anymore. Too bad the kids are still too young to haul the big trash can down to the curb...
   
9. There's no escaping them! I am the only adult present and am therefore the only one who can supervise baths, break up fights, refill drink cups, deliver punishments, distribute bribes, and run away from tickle attacks.
10. No one to cuddle with on the couch while watching tv. No big hugs when he gets home from work. No kisses to reassure me that he is still head-over-heels in love with me.

*sigh*

If the Man really were gone, then I would really be missing him right now...

What do you to when your Significant Other is away?

Friday Confessional

I Confess...

I once gave up drinking milk for an entire year.

I was trying to be healthier and read a book by Mary Lu Henner, which contained on entire chapter on how bad milk is for your body.

After reading that, the thought of milk made me sick to my stomach.

So for 12 months, I drank almond milk instead.

For those of you not familiar with almond milk, it tastes like melted ice cream, and is just about as fattening.

I didn't lose weight.

Also, I tried soy cheese and decided that chewing on the plastic wrapper that normal cheese comes in would taste better.

After a year, that first glass of milk tasted like nectar of the gods.

Reason #683

The doorbell rang at 10 am. I waited for the clunk of the package hitting the porch and the speedy exit of the delivery truck. Nothing. That meant someone was standing on the front porch. Problem. I didn't have to glance down to notice I was still wearing pajamas, hadn't fixed my hair, (wasn't wearing a female restraining device), and no make-up. Sighing wouldn't be any help, since it would just reveal my lack of tooth care thus far.

Trudging in my bare feet to the door, I wondered which of my friends had forgotten that I am not a morning person. Was someone attempting to catch me at my worst? What if it was someone with a giant check and a camera crew? Gulp.

"Mrs. G?" he asked.

"Yes?" I was hiding behind the door and probably freaking him out with my death breath.

"These are for you."

And he handed me this:

See those long stems? Those are my favorite flowers, gladiolus. And daisies just make me happy. Even the vase is cool! You might call it a lovely bouquet but I call it Reason #683 why I love my husband.