"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Man Jobs

This is the conversation the Man and I had while getting ready for our Memorial Day BBQ.

The Man: Can you get the propane tank refilled?
Me: I have no idea how to do that.
The Man: Just remove the tank, take it to the station -
Me: What?
The Man: It's easy.
Me: I can't do it.
The Man: Why not?
Me: Because that is a Man Job.
The Man: A what?
Me: A Man Job, something the Man is supposed to do. I can't do it.
The Man: (extensive rolling of eyes)
Me: Tell you what, I will birth the children and you refill the propane tank. Deal?

The whole conversation got me thinking about the Man's role at home. There are certain tasks that are undeniably his; I just can't do them. True, there are tasks that are all mine but we need not bring out the femi-nazis amongst my lurkers. Instead, let's talk about Men.

They have the Man Cold and Man Caves. They definitely have Man Jobs. For instance: Bugs. I have been known to not use a room for an entire day simply because I saw a spider in there (and don't tell me that they can crawl under the door! I don't need to hear that!). It is the Man's job to dispose of such unwelcome guests. Agreed?

Cold feet. I got 'em. I had it written into the Marriage Contract that I would be allowed to warm my frozen tootsies on his warm, hairy legs. If he shrieks and squirms away, he is in direct violation of said Contract and is no longer entitled to the benefits and privileges thereof. See? You give a little, you get a little.

Strange noises in the night. I get to cower under the covers - I mean, keep the blankets warm - while he goes in search of the weird sound. And really, let's just blame this one on genetics. Men are bigger and stronger, it's a proven fact. This is one of those times that I don't mind being dainty.

Unloading the groceries. The Man hates grocery shopping. Never liked it. I don't mind it, especially because it usually means I get to be out alone. If I spend the time traipsing around the grocery store, then he should help by unloading the groceries from the van for me. I'll put them away (if I ever want to find anything again), he just needs to use those big strong muscles and haul them inside.

Anything that involves the use of tools. And really, it's not because we don't know how to do these things (my dad taught me well) but we should let them have a little fun every now and then. What puts a smile on a man's face faster than strapping on a tool belt? Changing light bulbs, tightening faucets, replacing the deadbolt that your toddler dismantled while you were in the shower, or rescuing your earring from the sink drain. Good times.

Let's not forget the other jobs: car maintenance, lawn care, only person in the household allowed to pass gas without excusing themselves, and sleeping during church. These are the strenuous obligations of being a Man.

So what are some Man Jobs around your house?


Jan said...

Your so funny Jessica. A man's job is to put the toilet seat down!! Take out the garbage!! And everything you said. Thanks for the good chuckle.

Amber said...

I just broke all of your rules this weekend...

(Changed the belt on the dryer, been to Home Depot 3 times, built stuff using a conduit bender, hammer, rebar, super big saw etc...)

Jessica G. said...

Amber - but did you kill any spiders? did you warm your own feet? :)

Janell said...

I lack a man, so all jobs are my jobs except what I delegate to the home teachers (if they ever show up).

I love your retort! "Tell you what, I will birth the children and you refill the propane tank. Deal?"

I think mine would be, "remove spiders and other bugs, start the grill (inc. propane tank), and mow the lawn." Spiders scare me a little. Grills scare me more. I hate mowing lawns.

Bonnie said...

There is some gender confusion at my house. My hubby likes to do the woman jobs. I applaud that but, then he expects me to do the Man jobs. I do them, I am capable. But frankly, I don't want to. (Stuff like plumbing and spackling.Especially the plumbing.)

Jill said...

Helping with math homework.

And cleaning toilets.

(math gives me a headache, and my son cleans the toilets)

Have you ever waited for your husband to come home from work to kill a spider for you? I did that today.
None of us could reach it, and my DH is very tall.

Sue said...

My husband does the laundry. I've reclassified that as a man job. Try it, you'll love it.

He hangs the ceiling fans, unclogs the toilets, and scoops up the dog poop outside.

Don't feel too sorry for him - if the kids puke, I clean it up, and if they need help wiping, that's ALL ME.

Amanda said...

LOL! Propane is def. MAN JOB! No propane tanks for me:) Anything that I can't do is a man job in our house and that is pretty much it----He does mow now all the time though. And Since i have been preggo he empty's the trash most of the time.

Emma said...

Man Jobs at my house include anything with tools unless it is one of my projects then he "tries" to teach me how. I conveintly don't get it. Since we don't have a house yet it will be interesting to see if he mows of if we share. Other man jobs are to leave dirty dishes and clothes every where around the house. Unfortunately I have to take the car for oil changes. It would be fine if I didn't have to drag along our two monkeys with me. Another Man Job is bringing in groceries. Lastly, the most important Man Job is to go run shopping errands for me in the evening, wonderful when pregnant or just plain tired!

Kristie said...

I got a good laugh out of this one!! I found it funny since Barth just went and got propane on Monday!!! I must say that I like to do the tool jobs though!! Thanks for my good laugh of the day!!!!

Debi said...

At our house painting is a man's job. He thinks I am incapable of painting without making a huge mess (which may or may not be true, who knows). But I think each couple determines their own "jobs" depending on who likes to do what. Although I classified my husband as the "slayer of bugs," I'm not afraid of most of them so when he's not home, I kill them myself. Around here it was the man's job to bounce the fussy babies at the end of the day because as much as I loved them, I was tired of it.

Nat said...

I love your blog! You always make me laugh! My man's jobs are lawn mowing and taking out the trash. However, we've got four strapping young boys that have taken over bug "slaying" (dismemberment then put it in a jar for safe-keeping) and taking out the trash. They're still a bit too small for the lawn mower!

Jo said...

You tell your hubby we are onto him! We know, without a shadow of a doubt that the first time we do a Man Job, it will forever after become ours. Which is why we refuse. Silly man, what, doesn't he think we talk to each other? We know how they roll...

Emily said...


all the power tools in our home are mine.

just sayin'

Tim and Angie said...

I agree with these. I know how to do them, I'm just unwilling to do them. If something were to happen to hubby, I could do them if I had to, like kill the spiders. I do admit though, I would have been lost on the fixing of the leak in the pipe under the toilet this week. A plumber would have been called for that. Taking out the trash (including emptying the diaper pail *pew*) is also on his list of tasks. Mine is a lot longer than his, so I don't feel bad for those that belong to him.

Heather said...

My man's main job?

Take the children when I get that certain tone and eye twitching.

Diane said...

I can't wait to tell my man that I am not the only wife with a feet warming clause in her pre-nup! BTW, I love your blog!

Anna Maria Junus said...

Too funny.

I don't have a man anymore. The conditions that came with him just weren't worth it.

But if I were to marry again, he would have to take care of rodents. I can handle bugs. They don't "bug" me. But rodents? Yikes. I'm the stereotypical woman that stands on chairs screaming. And I can't deal with dead things either. He has to kill it and dispose of the remains, preferably without me knowing a thing about it.

Rae said...

Hi! I'm not sure how I found you....a click here and a click there! You are too funny! I just posted a comic on my blog today about dads vs. moms. There definitely is a difference! I must admit I like to mow the grass! It gives me a good workout, time to think without the children tugging at me and I love to see the immediate results of seeing the mowed strips! My hubby's job every morning is to empty the dishwasher. I HATE emptying it and it helps my mood in the AM to have him handle it!

Oh! My hubby falls asleep EVERY Sunday. Without fail. Drives me bonkers. I don't think it's ever going to change so I just try to ignore him!

Tausha said...

ok-did you steal my husbands list that is laminated on the inside of his closet door? (was that enough detail for ya)
You forgot to add
Picker upper of snakes-always!
The other day-I went to go outside-stopped dead in my tracks because there was a dead snake right where i was going to step. OOHHH Gross! So-you should add that to your list. It is almost as important as spiders. Almost. i think that it should say all things that crawl, creep or sting. i agree with the feet thing. Completely!
Ps-sorry for the bad internet date thing. There are some things that i am gratful for because i am a little too old-that is one of them.

Kelly said...

Ok first off, I am the 20th comment. WOW, is that a record for just one post?

What are Man Jobs? I do everything and I an not joking. Brett's idea is I take care of the inside while he takes care of the outside. Umm, every time the outside works needs done, I get a guilt trip about how it would go so much faster if I helped. So I end up doing that too.

Heck the grass was so high, I couldn't see my rat terrier, Boomer. I got out there and mowed it. Yep, dead of Summer and 6 months pregnant because THE MAN wouldn't do it and went to a movie.

So there are no Man Jobs in my house, there are only Women/Mom/Cook/Wife jobs!

North Dakota Ward's said...

Funny post Jessica, and this is coming from a guy (Daniel here). I would have to agree that there are man jobs, only because Suzanne tells me this is so. All the kids have been trained to find dad anytime there is a spider (even Joseph). It is going to take me a while to train Joseph properly with all the women screaming over little bugs. Additionally, I think the whole man job thing can be over done. Recently, Suzanne has tried to convince me that laundry should be a man job too :-)

Kenney Crew said...

Alright, so Todd has had to deligate a little bit of the man jobs lately to the lawn care service, the plumber, and my dad. The boys can handle the bugs for me, so I am taken care of...but the one job that I don't mind helping out with, but is totally a man job, is hanging things up on the wall...I suppose that's why we don't have curtains...yet. Since Todd's unable to do some of these maintenece jobs, I've found others for him to do to help ease some of my responsibilities, like helping with the dishes and with homework...he helps me as much as he can...some days that's more than others, but I take what I can get.

BkenneyBme said...

About the only thing here that is only a man job is cleaning out the kitty litter (can't do that when expecting, and even when not, there's always that *chance* -- wink wink...maybe I just don't want to do it...).
When I was 8 months expecting Beth people would call to me while I was mowing the lawn to go inside...but it was just something I enjoy, it got me out of the house, and it's so convient that the lawn mower is loud enough you can't hear children whining or repeating 100 times a minute "whose gonna play with me?".
BTW, I filled both our propane tanks last week.

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