This is a repost from two years ago. The Man was recently out of town for two whole stinkin' weeks. I barely made it. My two main forms of survival came from a gift certificate to See's chocolates and a trip to the local Ikea.
I'm not saying the Man really is out of town (because I'm paranoid enough, people) but if he were...these are the reasons why it would potentially suck. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
- My feet are perpetually cold. There's no one to warm them up at night. No way am I wearing socks. Maybe we should rent a dog for when the Man isn't here to fulfill his duties.
- I have to change all stinky diapers. Sure, Boo takes care of the wet one but the messy diapers are still a little too gross for her delicate constitution.
- All trespassing spiders receive a stay of execution. So the spider in the bathroom gets to live trapped underneath that cup for a little while longer.
- I have to get up when the kids do and get them breakfast. Usually, the Man feeds them and then heads off to work so I get to snooze a little while longer to catch up on the sleep I missed while spending "quality time" with Baby in the wee hours of the morning.
- Bored, bored, bored. It's a good thing I joined Facebook or I'd have no idea what to do with all this empty time.
- My panic attacks are going into overdrive, especially at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. Was that the heater turning on? Or was it a band of vicious burglars breaking down the garage door? Was that one of the kids coughing in their sleep? Or are they silently choking to death while I just lay here? Such happy thoughts...
- There's no tag-team. And my split personality doesn't count.
- I have to do all the Man Jobs. I got married so I wouldn't have to take out the trash anymore. Too bad the kids are still too young to haul the big trash can down to the curb...
- There's no escaping them! I am the only adult present and am therefore the only one who can supervise baths, break up fights, refill drink cups, deliver punishments, distribute bribes, and run away from tickle attacks.
- No one to cuddle with on the couch while watching tv. No big hugs when he gets home from work. No kisses to reassure me that he is still head-over-heels in love with me.
If the Man really were gone, then I would really be missing him right now...