"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan

Monday, June 27, 2011

How to Prevent Exploding Heads

The honeymoon is over. The thrill is gone. The shine is off the penny. Familiarity breeds contempt. The female of the species is more deadly than the male. Oh, wait...maybe not that last one.

In other words, the kids are bored. Not going to school is no longer any fun. And they aren't shy about letting me know.

The other day, while I attempted to neuter the stack of papers, mailers, statements, and assorted credit card offers that seems to double it's reproductive efforts during the night while the kids lounge in the living room. The day had started on the wrong foot, possibly even the entire leg. Before breakfast ended, petty arguments and whining had taken over all conversation. By the time I began filing away financial statements, my happy place wasn't answering my calls.

"Mom, I'm boooooooooooored!"
"What can I dooooooooo?"
"Mooooooooooooooooooooooom!"

I slam my binder shut and shove my chair back from the table, the legs squealing their protest on the linoleum.

"No more!" I roar, sure my eyes are about to spout fire. "The next kid who even hints at having nothing to do, will make my head explode and then you'll be forced to clean my brains off the floor.  Do I make myself clear?"

Two pairs of very wide eyes stare back at me, nods barely registering.

"If you need something to do, then go clean your room. Sweep the kitchen floor. Empty Baby's diapers. Pull the weeds out of the flower beds. I have no shortage of work to get done, so unless you would like to become indentured servants to a brain-splattered woman, then I suggest you Go. Find. Something."

They scurry from the room, blurs of blonde hair and flailing limbs, not sticking around to see if there's brain fluid leaking out of my ear. Returning the chair to it's designated spot, I continue my task in relative peace. And silence.

Maybe a little too much silence. Soon, the silence becomes the kind of quiet that all mothers fear. Once again leaving the mounds of randy tree fiber products unchaperoned, I seek out the children.


Well, at least they found something to do.

11 comments:

Odie Langley said...

We all have those moments girl so don't beat your self up too much about it. Seems you did get your point across in quick form.
Have a great rest of the week.

Miss Angie said...

That's hilarious! Glad that they did find something to do!

lyndylou said...

Tee hee hee kids you got to love them :)

Beth said...

Ha! Nice. We used to get that "if you're so bored, go mow the lawn" type stuff growing up, too. Best of luck tackling the pile!

Queenie Jeannie said...

LOL!!!! That's funny!

Luckily Bella had one week off, and is now going to school from 9am-noon for their Summer Enrichment program. She's an "explorer" of some kind and is soooo excited! Then it's lunch, nap and playing outside till dinner. A full day and NO WHINING ABOUT BEING BORED!!!!

It's only for a month though and I have no clue what to do for the final month of vacation...perhaps traveling???

Debi said...

Ha, Ha, Ha. Great "mothering," and great writing!! Love it. Now....what are they doing?? And... did you steal a blanket from Delta?? :)

Jessica G. said...

Debi - We actually got the blanket from the Delta Center (when it was called that, instead of Energy Solutions Arena). And they are pretending to be slugs, creeping slowly around the room under their blankets.

Nat said...

Bwahahahaha!!! I am totally using the exploding head line! I LOVE it!! :)

Yep, we're dealing with Summertime Boredom here, too. Meh.

Amanda said...

Loved the post...but cant say I relate.. .we love the summer!!!!! We have been busy with fun & fighting;)

rocslinger said...

My parents remedy to the summer blahs was pulling weeds. I have an ingrown fear and loathing of weed pulling. The funny thing is after all us kids left home my parents put plastic down on their garden. Who says that kids are not slave labor?

Jessica said...

I have used the whole chore threat many times already this summer! Ha, the slug thing makes me laugh!

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