"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan

Friday, March 25, 2011

Friday Confessional #3

I confess...
I miss my body.

Maybe it's all these zumba classes I'm taking where I just can't make my hips roll like they used to or get my feet to keep time but I'm struggling with just how much I took a healthy body for granted. I'm not entirely sure my bum was meant to rotate like that. At least not without a "wide load" warning or those automatic back-up beeping noises to alert those around me.

I miss the tight jeans I used to rock out in during High School, the adorable dresses and skirts that caused all production to stop whenever I walked into the warehouse during that summer job. But it's not all about how I used to look.

I miss not panting after running up the stairs or being able to hold that crouch just a little bit longer. I miss being able to shop in normal stores and fit into mainstream styles that don't involve muumuus or other creative ways to disguise the fact that I've had three kids.

I confess...
I miss my arm.

The Friday Confessional is about admitting the truth, right? This is perhaps the hardest truth I have.

I miss being able to reach that top shelf with both hands, not having to get creative when the occasion calls for uplifted arms, or successful attempts to shake hands with someone from a seated position. Every time I drop a basket of laundry because my shoulder gave out, I miss it. Every time I can't sleep at night because a storm front is moving in and my shoulder throbs, I miss it. Every time I can't carry a sleeping child upstairs to bed because it requires two arms, I miss it.

I try to convince myself that I don't miss having two working arms, that I've compensated after all these years. Heck, I've lived most of my life now as the Bionic Woman. People who have known me for years still don't know there's anything wrong or are surprised when they find out because I don't dwell on it, don't bring it willingly. But the truth is...I miss it.

I always will.

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10 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I had no idea you didn't have a working arm!

Etosia (e-tasha) said...

i tried zumba and omg I looked like a drunken monkey! NEVER again!

sarajo said...

I can't wait to get my body back. Only a few more months, then after this baby is born, I can work on getting it back. But it's hard to face the fact that I won't ever be my high school weight. I've just had too many kids. LOL!

Stacie said...

Zumba is not for the faint of heart that is for sure, but I guess it beats jumping jacks and squats! I hate jumping jacks--not a fat girl's friend!

Forgetfulone said...

I've never done zumba, but I used to do jazzercise, and I can't imagine what I'd look like doing it now!

Reading the last part of your confession made me sad. I can only imagine how you miss being able to carry your kids upstairs to bed.

Mamarazzi said...

how did i not know about your arm?

i started medifast almost 2 weeks ago. i am down 17 pounds...11 pounds gone in the first week. i did it cuz my bloos sugar levels were wonky, losing weight was just a bonus.

i love zumba...i really do.

Rupper Family said...

I think you are one kickass Bionic Woman! Always have.
-W.

Kristie said...

I think that you are awesome just the way you are!! :D I think we all have certain things that we want to change about ourselves. I know I do.... I know that we all wish we could fix your arm. :( I can honestly say that I still remember the day that you told me about it and worrying about you, and hoping that the surgery would go well. Love you Jess!!! You are a fantastic person!!!! Hugs to you today!

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

A week later, but here I am...
I haven't been brave enough to try zumba yet, but I have found spinning to be effective. And I'm so sorry about your arm. I don't blame you at all for missing it. It's okay to miss it! I would. I know I miss feeling good. And that's okay too...right?! I think it's the little things that we miss the most. Also? It annoys me beyond anything that back when I was skinny I thought I was fat and couldn't enjoy it. Now that I'm not that skinny, I wish I was as "fat" as I was back then. **sigh**

Mary said...

I miss my pre-pregnancy body. I was looking through some old pix and almost cried!! I'm hoping that once I get moved, I'll find a great gym (with daycare) and get close enough that a little nip & tuck will get me back to where I was!!

Even if you body doesn't work like it should (I have similiar issues) I think you are a Rock star!

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