"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan

Thursday, September 3, 2009

A Warning to Others

Alternate Titles: "oh chee momma...," "Losing 10 Pounds the Really Painful Way," or "All I Needed to Know About Dieting I Learned in the Bathroom."

So...yesterday...

Would you be disappointed if I told you I didn't make it the full 48 hours? I had no choice, really. It was either make the deadline and possibly die or eat something and live to serve as a warning to others.

As you may or may not know, I have quite the extensive surgical history. One of those events involved the removal of my gall bladder. And people without gall bladders should not attempt an all-liquid diet. The end results are something very much like that time I decided to test my mother's warning that eating too many died apricots would be a bad thing. I spent the better part of my day yesterday in the bathroom. At one point, the Boy strolled in to talk to me. I don't remember the conversation but I'm sure my responses were more easily understood in Klingon.

Also? I have issues with my blood sugar. When it gets low, I get a headache. At the time of that last post, my head was hurting. But not an hour after, my head was throbbing. There were flashes of light and stabbing pain, which, I'm told, are very bad things when it comes to your head. And I kinda need my head in working order so I can remember how to properly make chocolate milk.

Then the nausea set in. I didn't want to take any pills for my headache because I was convinced it would just come back up, bringing with it all that juice. The end result would be eerily similar to liquefied orange jello with little bits of marshmallow.

I was in the bathroom, head clutched between my hands, trash can handy, and I was thinking that maybe Weight Watchers wasn't such a bad idea, even if they do make you eat vegetables. Surely public display of fatness was the better option.

So I ate a little food, took some pain-killers, dumped the rest of the juice down the drain, and cracked open a Diet Pepsi. It took a couple hours for things to settle back down to normal but I managed to pull through.

And I lost five pounds.

13 comments:

Rupper Family said...

Liquid diet-ugh! I love my sweets, I can't change my eating, but I go to Jazzercise too-they kinda even each other out! I never knew it before last year but I actually really like working out and as it turns out, I have a lot of stress to release while I do it. I usually sit down with a bowl of ice cream after I get home though, I won't pretend that I don't!

Bonnie the Boss said...

that does not sound like fun! thanks for not dying so you could warn the rest of us!

Nat said...

Yikes! I hope you get feeling better! Oh, and congrats on the five pounds!

Brooke said...

Whoa. Thanks for the warning. That's one diet I'll be sure not to try. You know, vegetables are quite tastey (at least I think so), just start of in small portions. BTW WTG on the 5 lbs, at least you got something out of it, although you'll have to tell us if it was worth it or not.

Janell said...

Yes, I think I shall never attempt to loose weight by flushing my digestive system. Thank you for the warning.

Kristina P. said...

Yeah, don't do that. It sounds horrible!

Annette Lyon said...

Um, yeah? Flashing lights? Tiny warning that a migraine is on its way. Starving yourself is a common trigger. Lesson learned, I hope? :)

Amber said...

Wow, that post was really graphic- Next time put a disclaimer at the beginning :)

Amanda said...

you are hilarious. seriously.don't. do. that. again. Just do calorie counting and exercise....the old fashioned way really does work every time. If you actually stick to it. Good luck girl:) I am addicted to sweets also...so I feel your pain.

Jo said...

Um, yeah. Well done. Those are possibly the most painful five pounds I have heard of. I think I won't try it, if you don't mind.

Popcorn House said...

I have done a juice fast before. I went three days on just juice. Fresh juice, it is supposed to be cleansing your systems removing the toxins. But I was slugging the diet pepsi all the while so who knows. By the third day I was down a ton of weight, but had no energy. I have been stuck with ten pounds to go for quite some time. I loose some, then gain some back....it is frustrating, but I am hoping EVENTUALLY it all comes together for me. GOOD LUCK keep us posted. I do think Weight Watchers works. If you don't mind the whiners "OH I have the fat gene!" Got old for me, but I may join again if I can't get the scale to budge soon!!!

The Head Eagle said...

Wow! Kinda scary! I'm pretty sure that is exactly what would happen to me if I tried a liquid diet! Praise to the Diet Pepsi for saving Jessica G.!

Tipi said...

I
am
mad

You did what? We have a dietitian in the family for crying out loud!!!

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