Alternate Titles: "oh chee momma...," "Losing 10 Pounds the Really Painful Way," or "All I Needed to Know About Dieting I Learned in the Bathroom."
Would you be disappointed if I told you I didn't make it the full 48 hours? I had no choice, really. It was either make the deadline and possibly die or eat something and live to serve as a warning to others.
As you may or may not know, I have quite the extensive surgical history. One of those events involved the removal of my gall bladder. And people without gall bladders should not attempt an all-liquid diet. The end results are something very much like that time I decided to test my mother's warning that eating too many died apricots would be a bad thing. I spent the better part of my day yesterday in the bathroom. At one point, the Boy strolled in to talk to me. I don't remember the conversation but I'm sure my responses were more easily understood in Klingon.
Also? I have issues with my blood sugar. When it gets low, I get a headache. At the time of that last post, my head was hurting. But not an hour after, my head was throbbing. There were flashes of light and stabbing pain, which, I'm told, are very bad things when it comes to your head. And I kinda need my head in working order so I can remember how to properly make chocolate milk.
Then the nausea set in. I didn't want to take any pills for my headache because I was convinced it would just come back up, bringing with it all that juice. The end result would be eerily similar to liquefied orange jello with little bits of marshmallow.
I was in the bathroom, head clutched between my hands, trash can handy, and I was thinking that maybe Weight Watchers wasn't such a bad idea, even if they do make you eat vegetables. Surely public display of fatness was the better option.
So I ate a little food, took some pain-killers, dumped the rest of the juice down the drain, and cracked open a Diet Pepsi. It took a couple hours for things to settle back down to normal but I managed to pull through.
And I lost five pounds.
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