Practically Joking

I like to play pranks on my kids. It makes being a responsible adult all the more fun. Unfortunately, my children have inherited my sense of humor…

One morning, I walked into my room to find that my bed had been made. Awwww, so sweet. It wasn't until later that night as I was getting into bed that I noticed something out of the ordinary. Sitting on my pillow was a rather large black bug. When I lived in Texas, it wasn't all that unusual to find a massive water bug roaming around. They look like fat cockroaches that were raised on steroids and fatty foods. But I hadn't seen any in Utah…until now.

After several moments of staring at it while my heart pounded in my throat, I realized it wasn't moving. Could it be dead? I blew on it, something that always sent them scurrying in the past. Nothing. Then I saw the seams. It was plastic. I was going to murder da Boo. This happened several more times with different bugs…although the bright blue spider didn't fool me for a moment. I couldn't let this go on unanswered. Something had to be done.

Then we went on vacation near a National Park. I plotted my attack and even brought the Man in on my grand plans. It was going to be epic. Since lizards were rampant in the park, I found the perfect realistic lizard. Revenge would be mine. Oh yes, it would be mine.

After the kids were sleeping, I placed the lizard on the arm of the sofa bed. When Boo reached for her glasses in the morning, there was no way she would miss it. I went to bed and waited for the shrieking…

…but nothing happened. The next morning went along like any other day. Maybe she hadn't seen it? No, she pointed it out to her brother that night, showing him the "fake lizard." Shucks.

I've lost my touch.