One morning, I walked into my room to find that my bed had been made. Awwww, so sweet. It wasn't until later that night as I was getting into bed that I noticed something out of the ordinary. Sitting on my pillow was a rather large black bug. When I lived in Texas, it wasn't all that unusual to find a massive water bug roaming around. They look like fat cockroaches that were raised on steroids and fatty foods. But I hadn't seen any in Utah…until now.
After several moments of staring at it while my heart pounded in my throat, I realized it wasn't moving. Could it be dead? I blew on it, something that always sent them scurrying in the past. Nothing. Then I saw the seams. It was plastic. I was going to murder da Boo. This happened several more times with different bugs…although the bright blue spider didn't fool me for a moment. I couldn't let this go on unanswered. Something had to be done.
Then we went on vacation near a National Park. I plotted my attack and even brought the Man in on my grand plans. It was going to be epic. Since lizards were rampant in the park, I found the perfect realistic lizard. Revenge would be mine. Oh yes, it would be mine.
After the kids were sleeping, I placed the lizard on the arm of the sofa bed. When Boo reached for her glasses in the morning, there was no way she would miss it. I went to bed and waited for the shrieking…
I've lost my touch.