"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Bad Bionics

As most of you know, I recently had a pretty serious surgery to replace my shoulder. Sounds weird, right? I mean, really, who gets their shoulder "replaced" like that? Well, if you're bionic, you kinda expect a systems failure at some point. And boy, did it fail!

I should probably tell you that I was a third less humorous than the average person. I had false humor. It's my dorky way of saying a third of my bone, known as the humerus, was replaced with a metal doppelganger. 'Cuz the original was eaten by a really hungry tumor. This new part was held in socket by re-routing a couple muscles. Unfortunately, these muscles were not properly informed of their new role and didn't do a very good job at it. This implant lasted eight years. And by the end of that time, my shoulder looked like this:

My scar is totally sexy, I know, but please try to stay focused.

See how the silhouette is kinda wiggly? That's because a muscle decided it didn't like it's new position working with the metal implant, detached itself, and spent a couple years living off unemployment checks and playing video games in it's mother's basement. Because there was no longer a muscle to keep it in place, the metal head of the implant slowly worked itself out of socket.

Have you ever had a shoulder dislocated? Hurts, right? Well, imagine having a perpetually dislocated shoulder. Not fun. So I went to a specialist to see about fixing the constant holy-crap-I'm-gonna-swear-because-the-pain-is-so-bad-but-I-can't-because-I-have-small-kids feeling. But this guy said there was nothing they could do. Medical science needed to catch up. It went something like this:

Doc: Come back in five years and we'll see what we can do then.
Me: But how do I cope in the meantime? My arm doesn't work.
Doc: Just use your arm less.
Me: (Looking from the doctor to my then-toddler son, who, at that moment was trying with all his chubby-armed might to pull himself up into a chair) Seriously?

So I waited five years. And took lots of pain killers. But Then the constant agony got to the point where I couldn't function. Enough was enough and it was time to find a doctor who would help me, no matter where I had to go.

Stay tuned for more…you know…whenever I get to it...


Amanda said...

man...don't leave us hanging! Your finally telling us something personal on here and then you only give a teaser!

Jillybean said...

I need to hear the rest of the story, perhaps over lunch?

Gene the bloggen machine:) said...

Jessica your an awesome and courage s lady having to endure all your arm's short comings. My hats off to you!!!!!! I wish there was a clear scientific and medical way to grow back bone and reattach muscle correctly. I will pray that Heavenly Father will grant us mortals with such knowledge if it is His will. In the mean time I just want to say that you and Quintin are an inspiration to me. Thanks for your courage and endurance. Hope all is well as can be, with you and your husband and great kids!!!!! Eugene Patnode

Karen Peterson said...

Holy wow. I will stop complaining about my wrist now. You totally win.

Mary said...

Nothing is more frustrating than a doc pretty much telling you to suck it up!!! I've been told that more than one time and I always end up finding a solution on my own. Love you girlie, and hope to meet up on my next trip to Utah. (I'm at SLC airport right now)

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