It's been awhile since I've written an open letter but I constantly write them in my head, things I can't say to the actual person/corporate entity/personified noun - but what I really want to say.
We kinda have a love/hate relationship. You love my money and I hate shopping there. While I appreciate the "upgrades" you made during the recent remodel, with your expanded cake decorating section and soda selection, there is one thing I just can't handle. It's those dang automated video ads.
Keep in mind that 95% of the time I roam your overly-bright aisles, I am just there because it's late, we're out of milk/bread/chocolate (you know…the essentials), and I'm too tired/stressed/lazy to drive the two miles to my preferred grocery store. It is in this less-than attentive state that I happen to walk by one of the many screens you've placed that are set to play commercials for the myriad items in that location. Nothing about the perky voice or enthusiastic advertising should be threatening but I never fail to jump out of my skin.
And dude, I'm already there and not gonna leave without spending at least $50 so do you really have to keep pushing even more things I don't need? Save it for early in the morning, when I need something exciting to get me out of bed, like the new and improved scent of fabric softener or yet another form of sugared carbohydrates.
I hate you,
At first it was pretty cool being your mom, like earning a merit badge or leveling up on the video game of life.
But these early morning games on Saturday? Not cool.
Fix it or so help me, next season I will put him in horseback riding lessons.
Not even kidding when it comes to my sleep,
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