Being a Bionic Babe

Okay, so I'm not really a babe...but sometimes I cry like a baby, so that totally counts, right?

Things I've learned since becoming Bionic:

• Magnets do not stick to surgical steel body parts. It would have made the church Talent Show a lot more interesting, though.
• Currently, I have roughly enough metal in my arm to make my own table setting of flatware.
• If your friends have a tendency to smack you playfully in the shoulder and you have a tendency to clang like a bell when smacked, be sure to sit with one side against the wall as a form of protection.
• Getting to know the TSA staff at the airport is not nearly as cool as one might think. And no, they don't accept a note from your doctor.
• Did you ever have an crotchety old relative that used to moan about their knee paining just before a storm moved in? Yeah, that wasn't an exaggeration. I can feel it. And it turns me into a crotchety old relative, too.
• Having a man call you "complex" is not exactly a compliment. Especially when that man is a medical professional at the top of his field. It also sucks when this happens twice in one week - with two separate doctors.
• My cursing gets really creative when I'm hurting but I don't want my kids repeating what I mutter. The current favorite is "scum mudge-gery." I have no idea what it means but I sure feel better after spitting it out.
• When I talk about getting my new implants, the people listening do not immediately think of shoulders, but of items more in the silicone genre, which can cause some interesting looks.

Music Monday: Settle Down

I'm a little obsessed with Kimbra right now. She's the female on Gotye's "Somebody that I Used to Know" and I posted about another one of her songs, "Cameo Lover." She's Austrailian and quirky-just watch her dance moves! She dances like I would if I were actually cool and not a ginormous dork.



I know, the song is a little weird and the video even weirder…but just give it another listen. It really grows on you.

Everybody Hurts

One of the problem with being bionic is that I look like everyone else. And since there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with me, I am treated just like everyone else. I get hugged (I am very huggable; can't help it). I get smacked in jest when I make snarky comments (which is a lot). I get tapped on the shoulder to get my attention. I get hurt. Because there is something wrong with me, even if you can't see it.


I attempted to alter this by wearing a sling when around a lot of people who don't really know me. You'd be surprised by how many people will touch an arm when it's in a sling. But not nearly as surprised as they were when I'd punch them for grabbing me.

I am due to have an upgrade on my shoulder. What I've got now is metal. And out of socket. And loose. So…it hurts. A lot. Seriously. I have chronic pain that goes up and down the scale depending on how I slept, the weather, and how funky I got in Zumba that morning. But it's always there. Always.

Since I am in pain, the logical thing to do would be to take a pill, fill an ice bag, and then collapse on a comfortable surface. However, the heavy-duty meds put me under or make me see light trails. That's not exactly an ideal situation when I've still got Baby running around, looking for different things to mark on with her crayons. Instead, I take an over-the-counter pill that takes the pain levels down a notch or two but still allows me to stay conscious (and aware of where Baby is trying to leave her mark). Ice bags are nice, but they don't always stay in place. When you're minding your own business, enjoying the cold numbness, only to have the ice bag slip down behind you to the exposed skin of your lower back…not so nice. Also? Whenever I am not actively moving, my dog is actively trying to get on my lap. And if I'm laying down, she's perfectly content to perch on me (sometimes on my head).

Each day, I take my safe meds and attempt to contain Baby, while letting the dog sit on me. And I make it through. It's not a perfect situation but I've survived this long.

Except now.

Now, the doctor said I have to stop my pills. For an entire week.

So if I'm a little grumpy next time we meet, please forgive me.

And maybe give me some chocolate.



* Images from Google Images.

Want a Free Book? Or Two?

If you are reading this, then you probably like to read. Would you like a free book? And just because I am awesome, I'll tell you how to get two free books. Please hold your applause until the end.

Remember how I interviewed the lovely and talented Derrolyn Anderson? Then I teased two of her books for Teaser Tuesday: Between the Land and the Sea and The Moon and the Tide. Both books are from her mermaid series. Well, she just released the fourth and final book in the series, The Turning Tides! To celebrate, she's offering free access to her first book, Between the Land and the Sea. This is an ebook, which means you can read it on your computer, download it to your reading device, or even print out for yourself. Just go here to claim yours and enter code FM28V at checkout.


AND…


Another author I interviewed and featured on Teaser Tuesday, James Hutchings is offering his book The New Death and others on the Kindle for free. This is a limited-time offer so make sure you hurry over to Amazon to get his fantastic collection of poems and story vignettes.

See? Sometimes it totally pays to read my blog.



* And just in case you're wondering, once upon a time, these authors let me read their books free of charge but this time around, I'm not getting anything for promoting them. They just happened to email me (within hours of each other) and offered my readers this opportunity. Pretty cool, right?

Pi Day, Pi Day, Gotta Get Down on Pi Day

So…did you remember that today was Pi day? Also known as Pie Day, for the consumption of mass quantities of pies.

(This isn't mine…here's the source.)

I spent my day at the eye doctor, and then selling my kidney on ebay to pay for new glasses for two kids. When we finally got home, I had a difficult time finding enough time out corners to contain all the attitudes that needed adjusting. I didn't get to make a pie. So sad. I am declaring tomorrow as Leftover Pie Day and shall eat half a pie straight out of the pan whilst it sits in the fridge.

Here are some of the dishes of deliciousness I am considering:
Peanut Butter Pie (but I won't be making my own peanut butter…)
Old Fashioned Fudge Pie (because everything is better with butter)
Little Lemon Meringue Pies (since they're smaller, I can eat more of them, right?)
Chocolate Cream Pie (I don't normally take my chocolate in pie form, but this is a special occasion)

What kind of pie did you eat? 

Or what kind of pie would you like to eat around midnight after the kids are in bed?

Bad Romance: Women's Suffrage

I know it seems like I'm just posting music videos lately but I thought this was definitely worth sharing. The video below was all over the place on Women's Day (March 8) but I saw it as a spoof of Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" so I didn't pay much attention. It took the Newlywed sitting me down and making me watch  this. The video is actually a fairly accurate portrayal of what it was like for Alice Paul, one of the leaders of the Women's Suffrage campaign. They really did put her in a mental institution and force feed her during her hunger strike. And the deciding vote for the final state? He really was a young man whose mother had asked him to vote for women's rights.



Boo watched this with me and wondered what the women wanted to vote for. So we got to have a discussion about life back when women weren't given the same rights and recognition as men. An eye-opener for her, as she had no idea. They have another one about the Declaration of Independence, which Boo also asked about. Is the third grade too early to learn about why the American colonies declared their independence? I didn't think so but I guess they haven't gone into too much detail about it, yet.



Also? That talk wasn't nearly as bad as some we've had in the past.

I've Got High Hopes, Baby

Okay, I know it isn't Music Monday but Kimbra's "Cameo Lover" has been stuck in my head for nearly an entire week. It's a little embarrassing to be standing in the check-out line at the grocery store and realize that you are miming playing a tambourine while humming this song.



So I'm going off the premise of The Ring and sharing this song with others, hoping to save myself while condemning others to their own versions of public dancing.

And Kimbra, the artist performing this song was also featured on Gotye's song "Somebody That I Used To Know" that I posted about previously. She's got another song that has equal ear worm appeal but most people find that one a little weird the first time or two, but it's a good one, too. I just might feature that one for the next Music Monday...

Box Full of Sunshine

You might be expecting a Teaser Tuesday, but right now I'm reading 2012 Guide to Literary Agents. And I doubt you want to hear a teaser about some random agent located in New Jersey who does not accept unsolicited manuscripts. But go on over and see MizB and check out some of the featured teasers. (Or look through my archives.)

Instead, I have this:

It's been awhile since my last swap and I was starting to get the shakes. Just in time to feed my addiction, Mamarazzi posted about her Favorite Things Swap! And I was partnered with the lovely Kat from Measuring My Life. I got my package of springtime awesomeness.

Here's what she sent:

• A gorgeous yellow scarf that as soft as it is pretty.
• Dishtowels with cute little chicks dancing across the bottom (Baby tried to take them to bed with her).
• Easter egg banner, which I regrettably cut off in the picture.
• Butterfly cards with envelopes.
• Spring wreath that is already hanging in my entryway.
• Ceramic owl plant stake, which is so completely adorable that I really hope the houseplant I put it in survives longer than they usually do.
• Yummy smelling candle that Boo insisted we light immediately and then sat over sniffing until she nearly singed her hair.
• Dove spray that has disappeared since the picture was taken so I can't tell you the fragrance until after I search Boo's bed for it.
• EOS lipblam in Sweet Mint. I had one of these when they first came out and I thought they were so cool. Glad to have another one!
• Dove dark chocolate because Kat is awesome.
• Pink shimmering nailpolish. (Also something I'm going to have to keep hidden so Boo doesn't steal it.)
• Laffy Taffy eggs. There were three of them, but since both of the girls were watching me unwrap the package, you can guess what happened to the other two.

The spring colors and decorations, combined with the unseasonably warm weather today had me looking forward to Spring. I love a good swap! And my favorite part is meeting other bloggers and seeing just how many things I have in common with other people who I'd never meet otherwise.

Thanks, Mamarazzi, for hosting a fabulous swap! And thanks to Kat for putting together a lil box o' sunshine!

Music Monday: Somebody That I Used To Know

You know how you get a song stuck in your head, drum out the beat on your kitchen table, sing it in the car, and then find yourself bursting out with the chorus in the middle of the produce section at your grocery store? Or maybe that's just me…

Lately, the song I've been embarrassing my children with spontaneous performances of is Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know." Kinda reminds me of Peter Gabriel (who I always get confused with Peter Cetera) and he was popular back when I was skinny and cute so I can't help but be nostalgic for those days. Anywho…the Snowman showed me a really cool cover of Gotye's song by a band called Walk Off The Earth. Apparently they were bored one afternoon and decided to record a video with only one guitar.



Still, fascinating to watch (especially the guy on the far right).

What song gets stuck in your head?