Cruisin': Jamaica, The Falls

When we first started telling people we were thinking about a cruise, several people suggested Jamaica. But what I would like to know is...why? Since I am not into getting drunk on alcohol of questionable production or getting high on illegal substances, then what exactly is the point of going there? It was the most disappointing of all our ports.


Oh, sure. It's beautiful. But those mountains are hiding tiny, windy roads that are packed with buses carrying tourists, not to mention the plethora of taxis weaving in and out of traffic. I stopped watching the roads and opted instead of staring up into the lush treetops, while trying not to notice the gigantic spider webs...

Our first stop? Dunn's River Falls.


Gorgeous! And cold. Very cold. The guide seemed to take great delight in making the crazy Americans sit in the freezing water because what's the first thing he has you do?


Sit in the freezing water while they take your picture! Yeah, that was so swell of him. (Punk.)
So the Falls are actually pretty awesome. As long as you don't look up too much, you'll have a great time.


This is a picture of just one section. There were many pools at the bottom of these short cascades. And in those pools, the guides knew all the different ways to torture amuse the tourists: slide down a big rock into a pool, tipping you and your loved one backwards, more freezing showers, etc. The Falls are notoriously slippery. You can only make it up with a guide (or so they tell you), while holding on to the people in front and back of you. It seems like a good idea: person in front of you helps you up and you help the person behind you. Unless, of course, you are me and happen to be Bionic. Then? Not so much fun. I nearly stopped because I was afraid of relying too much on my bum shoulder. There's a staircase along the side with periodic exits out of the Falls. You can stay dry the entire time and do no more hiking than at home when you go upstairs to raid your chocolate stash. But I stuck it out. The water was cold, yes, but the scenery was gorgeous and it was just plain fun.


We endured to the end! And then we got our picture taken with the Man's cell phone. No, not really. That's actually our GPS. That's right! Another geocache. (Nerds, remember?)

After surviving the Falls, I made an impulsive purchase and got my hair braided. My sister-in-law really wanted to do it and I'm nothing if not a joiner.


Here's a tip about getting braids: Don't. Sure, it looks cute but a few hours after you have it done, you won't be able to make any facial expressions because it hurts, you won't be able to put your head on your pillow because it hurts, and you won't be able to take them out because...you guessed it...it hurts.

So I spent my money on the braids. But in order to leave the Falls, you have to walk through a market, of sorts. Now, if no one has ever told you about the salespeople in Jamaica, well, consider this your warning. They are pushy and they don't care about boundaries or personal space. If you don't accept their handshake, won't let yourself be pulled into their stall, or try to ignore them, then they resort to guilting you into showing them some "respect." Whatever. I was so tempted to just stuff my fingers in my ears and run screaming through that place. And from what I've heard, that was tame compared to the main market closer to the pier!

That's more than enough to tide you over until the next post: our stop at Dolphin Cove.